"Mr. Trump, we need you in the situation room."
"What is it?"
"An actor said mean things about you, Mr. President."- Will McAvoy
The celebrity president-elect doesn't like celebrities because he is not part of the in crowd. Sad.
I'm starting to wonder whether Trump could really defeat ISIS, since he was completely trounced by Meryl Streep. - Andy Borowitz
Kellyanne Conway wants us to "look into Trump's heart" which is easy to do, as he's so thin-skinned most internal organs are visible. - John Fugelsang
These intelligence briefings are Trump's idea of hell: an hour of nothing but facts.- Andy Borowitz
If @hillaryclinton must attend the inauguration, I recommend she wear a big, warm Russian hat and swig from a bottle of Stolichnaya. - Joan Walsh Tweet
Three Hundred Million Americans Now Enrolled in Trump University. - Andy Borowitz
Why doesn't Trump self-fund his Great Wall if he's so sure Mexico's going to pay the money back later? No US bank would lend him the money. - Richard Hine