2seaoat wrote:You are a champ, Seaoat, and you are leaving your mark on more than jsut your grandkids.....
I am not a champ. I am very fortunate to have known retired Leo who faced aggressive lung cancer, and quietly shared with us his journey. I am a bit more sharing because the slow nature of endocrine cancer I have had more time, but soon I too will be at a place like retired Leo. I had a good friend die from cancer who taught me how to die. He lived every day with passion and certainly did not let the disease define the time he had left in a negative way, and it was his humor as he would declare "dead man walking" as we all reassured him how good he looked, and I have grown to understand his frustration with the good intentions of people commenting on your appearance when you are sick.
I may live two more years and maybe the recent setbacks will not see me slip further for some time, but I like to share with people because it is the fear of the C word and death which can paralyze people with fear and in the process they lose the joy of life.....no matter how short or painful. No I am a lucky man who needs no pity and I share this final journey because I think we all face the same journey, and although our routes may be different, the destination remains the same. It should not be feared, and the journey from birth to death rather should be celebrated, and as Neko recovers she will have a new found wisdom which will permeate her being and soul, and that is enjoy every minute of the gift and take nothing for granted.
I can see where you can say about the taking nothing for granted as you know the clock is ticking as in your case it ticks a little louder than the rest of us. I don't know about you saying neko may hear that same loud tick. maybe, maybe not. I literally died for a few seconds just over 20 years ago. I had a heart attack from congestive heart failure due to my kidneys shutting down and TTP. It did change my life and for a while I felt what you are talking about. Then as the years have gone on, I don't worry or think of dying and can honestly say I do take time for granted. I try to take a step back every now and then, but the daily routine catches me everyday. The work struggle takes up most of your day, then home life, kids, bills etc, and before you know it, after all that you go to bed just to get up and make it through another day of work, home life, kids, bills etc.
I myself am not afraid to die. I am afraid to die and leave my family destitute. and with time I am seeing each of them make their own way as I age, perhaps it is a natural process that I am lucky to be seeing as my time nears. as all of our time is near and it could be nearer than we like.
Youre still an asshole, but im glad you are enjoying your days. I often wonder why we all spend so much time here with each other. we all seem to hate each other and our lives are slipping away. .....................