time is getting short

I did the sauna today, but tried to walk in the pool and take a whirlpool. I had trouble getting out of the pool. I am getting weaker, but damn did it feel good once I got home and rested. I take about a fifteen minute first sauna and it is amazing how much I sweat. I then shower and walk in the pool. Hop in the whirlpool for about ten minutes, and then do a final ten minute sauna.

In my basketball days, I would always sit in the sauna after a game. I did not realize how much I missed the same. On the physical side, my urine becomes clear again and the liver pain has been gone all afternoon.

We checked with the County Coroner today on what to expect. I have made arrangements with a shake and bake crematorium which is about 1200 bucks plus container and transportation. If I am in hospice at the end, they will call the crematorium and do the final paperwork. If no hospice, the coroner will have to take the body and make a determination of cause of death. We have this great hospice eight miles up the road. It is a brand new facility, and when I start to slip my wife can place me in their facility which we have inspected. It is a wonderful place. When you look out the window you see this wonderful wooded area. The room is spacious and there is a family room with beds and refrigerator and stove which allows your family to spend time with you at the end. We will probably do in house hospice when the liver finally lets go as it usually takes about three days with endocrine cancer at the end for vital organ shut down. We are fortunate that insurance will cover most of the hospice costs which will relieve my wife of the burden of moving big boy.

I am absolutely enjoying every minute of each day now. My experience has been enlightenment. The hard part now is watching family members and friends. This dying thing is simply not that bad, but seeing people sad makes this much more uncomfortable than it should be, but people cannot control their emotions. I will spend Saturday watching my oldest granddaughter play basketball, then watch the oldest grandson playing basketball, then playing poker late into the night, and then taking my daughter's family out for breakfast on Super Bowl Sunday at IHOP, and then my 45th super bowl party with high school friends. Sometimes you are overwhelmed by the blessings of your life. All is good, and I think we will try to make the trip to Florida on Monday, returning for shots on the 21st. This will be a bit risky but I need to finish a few things up so as not to leave a mess for Mrs. Seaoat.

Do you have to drink a lot of fluids after your sauna to make sure you don't dehydrate? I've wondered about that.

As for its being "uncomfortable" to observe your loved ones' sadness, I'll probably catch a lot of heat for saying this, and not that you'll care what I'm thinking, but honestly I find that statement particularly disturbing based on very similar things I've heard from a couple of rather emotionless, pathologically self-absorbed people I know -- basically good people who're just missing large, important pieces of their interior selves. I guess it doesn't do any good at this juncture to wonder about your psychology, but since you've been so frank and open here, I decided to do the same. No response required, but it may explain a lot, not the least of which is your ability to handle what's happening to you with almost super-human equanimity.

You're apparently learning a lot from "this dying thing" -- and so am I, it would appear.

I do not know about the psychology of dying, but when your children see the weight loss, the frail nature of my walking, and all the recent bad test results they get sad despite my upbeat live life to the fullest. My daughter has talked to my wife about grief counseling after I pass. We snicker a little bit because we both know that she is the one who is suffering the most with my demise. You might say she was daddy's little girl. I lost my father at ten and it was a life changing experience. I lost my mother at 64, and it was a total different experience.

I went to a good friend's funeral who died of liver cancer. He had nine grandchildren and was this big guy who played football and was the best grand dad. When I saw each and every one of those grandchildren balling their eyes out as they left the church, I knew he had lived a good life.

One of the later stages of liver failure will be confusion and depression as the toxin impact the brain. I have not once felt depressed since I was diagnosed with cancer because my father died at 52, and I thought his massive stroke from high blood pressure was going to be my fate, but again the modern medicine miracles of blood pressure pills has kept my blood pressure in the normal range for forty years, and once I passed his age I felt like I was on bonus time. When your father dies and you are a ten year old kid with an alcoholic mother.......your first instinct is to protect your mother and brother. I did my duty and faced things which kids should not experience, but in that process I became incredibly strong and everything really worked out. So when I say this is no big deal, it is framed in my faith and life experiences.

I am drinking a great deal of water to ease the load on my kidneys which are now pumping toxins out, and because of my blood pressure water pills, I am taking potassium supplements and drinking at least one gatorade after a sauna to replace some of what I am peeing out. Again, to still be able to post is great. I remember getting PM from retired Leo how difficult it was at his end to post, but he did enjoy reading the forum until the very end.

I was going to mention the hydration when you first described the symptoms and dark urine... but was afraid that it may not be the best thing since you said you weren't thirsty. Sometimes you have to listen to your body... even if it's counterintuitive. In this phase it may be difficult to process too much fluid. But it sounds like you've found a good strategy. I'm glad to hear that.

dark urine, easy bleeding, short urination, itching, confusion, nausea, and utter weakness are the symptoms of final stage liver failure. I have them all with tests results which show a sudden rise in my liver numbers. I am beginning to think this will be less than two months. The sauna did not have the same impact as the first one. I have been in bed all day. This chit is getting real.

2seaoat wrote:dark urine, easy bleeding, short urination, itching, confusion, nausea, and utter weakness are the symptoms of final stage liver failure.  I have them all with tests results which show a sudden rise in my liver numbers.  I am beginning to think this will be less than two months.  The sauna did not have the same impact as the first one.  I have been in bed all day.  This chit is getting real.

Very sorry to hear this, Sea, and here's hoping tomorrow is a much better day - let us know.  But I have to ask:  Are you actually suffering confusion now?  Because I sure haven't seen any evidence of it in your posts; in fact, if anything, they've been more coherent recently than in the past.

2seaoat wrote:dark urine, easy bleeding, short urination, itching, confusion, nausea, and utter weakness are the symptoms of final stage liver failure.  I have them all with tests results which show a sudden rise in my liver numbers.  I am beginning to think this will be less than two months.  The sauna did not have the same impact as the first one.  I have been in bed all day.  This chit is getting real.

Very sad to hear about the setback, but hopefully today will be a better day. Hang in there, man.

they've been more coherent recently than in the past.

I usually do not post when the confusion part hits. It only started a few weeks ago and got bad on the evening I become ill for three hours. When you close your eyes the horizon is moving and when you open your eyes you begin to feel nauseous. Only have had about three bouts with the same, but they will increase in frequency as the liver gets choked out by the tumors.

Oh, and LInda gets the Larry David award for the day.

2seaoat wrote:Oh, and LInda gets the Larry David award for the day.

Why? Perhaps because I implied that some of your prior posts haven't always been terribly coherent, while your current ones largely are? If that's the reason, you need to scatter a few more Larry David awards among some other forum members.

Anyway, to me, FWIW, what you've described sounds like dizziness, vertigo, and/or spatial disorientation, not confusion as I've come to understand the latter term. To me, confusion would be more like, "Where am I? How did I even get here?" or "How can it be morning when I haven't even been to bed yet?" That kind of thing. More cognitive than physiological. No?

Mr. Oats, I have no words except to say I feel privileged to have followed you on this life journey. That said it is remarkable on your part to continue sharing your medical condition, physical deterioration and your mental strength as your journey slowly winds down. Like your other forum friends here it is very distressing to me personally but honestly I recognize and admire your inner strength and that in turn helps me to confront whatever lies ahead in my own jorney. I am humbled sir and hope you are able to endure longer than you predict but when that day comes I will mourn. . . .

knothead wrote:Mr. Oats, I have no words except to say I feel privileged to have followed you on this life journey.  That said it is remarkable on your part to continue sharing your medical condition, physical deterioration and your mental strength as your journey slowly winds down.  Like your other forum friends here it is very distressing to me personally but honestly I recognize and admire your inner strength and that in turn helps me to confront whatever lies ahead in my own jorney. I am humbled sir and hope you are able to endure longer than you predict but when that day comes I will mourn. . . .  

I think we all will, knot. Well said and good to hear from you.

as I've come to understand the latter term.

That would be your understanding of confusion. I will defer to your expertise as I am a novice in regard to the same, but I would agree it will get much more pronounced as I decline as my liver numbers really are not that bad yet, although the tumor load and hormones are now off the chart

Thanks for all the kind words, but we have been blessed with some incredible forum members over the last decade. T telling us very matter of fact that he should have died already, but he was going to have the surgery. Bob detailing his decline and demise until he no longer could. Neko trying after her first bout to come back as each of us felt her struggle. Retired Leo would PM me and talk very frankly about his decline as I too had lung tumors. The worst though is when a caretaker like Hallmark shares his journey and loss of his loving wife, because this dying thing is nothing any of you should fear, but losing a loved one is much tougher. No it has been a privilege to share both good and bad with forum members, and when in ninth grade my yearbook is filled with notes about mr. debater, and mr. current events after I won a national contest by the weekly reader called the Palmer award after thousands competed in testing.....I guess I have always been argumentative and a pain in the asz.

I will of course use discretion at the end to avoid too many details, but I hope that in my journey each of the survivors will be able to enjoy their lives to the fullest with no fear of what awaits us in the future. In my case it is simple faith based belief that logically there is more to life and death than we understand. My posts will become less frequent in the next month as I am having some very good days and some not so good days, but am excited about this weekend because I am still able to get around and will watch three grandchildren playing basketball on Saturday and Sunday afternoon before my super bowl party. We also will be taking my granddaughter and the family to IHOP to celebrate her birthday on sunday morning. I will explain to my buddies that this will be my last super bowl, and suggest next year playing in Cape Coral Florida as three of our members are Florida residents.

My wife will let the forum know when I have passed as others who have done such a great job letting us know about the passing of our members. It is a silly thing that something as simple as a forum could gather a group together who basically have spent the last decade sharing through this remarkable technology.

So I still enjoy stirring the pot and humor as most understand what I have done on this forum for years.....get people mad at me to stimulate debate. I love concepts, ideas, and intelligence, and I have learned so much over the years from each of you. You will get plenty of giggles when my wife tells you a bit about me after I pass.

2seaoat wrote:as I've come to understand the latter term.

That would be your understanding of confusion.  I will defer to your expertise as I am a novice in regard to the same 

OK, enough with the sarcasm, Sea.   Just use that intelligence of yours for a minute or two to read between the lines and understand that this Larry David award winner was simply grasping at straws, attempting to find at least one named symptom of end stage liver failure that you were not in fact exhibiting after all.

I like to smile. I have no depression and miss arguing with Bob and T. Heck, the forum used to make me laugh out loud where the wife would come in and say......."now who are you messing with......Bob would get so made at me, but he always knew I was just messing with him by going as close as I could to the line to evoke a response.......T would get so mad that he would quit the forum for a month, but he also knew it was just fun, and he and Bob would work very hard to stick me when they could.......I think in all honesty I have enjoyed the jabs I receive more than giving jabs........people are just too damn nice when they know you are sick. I will spend all day Saturday messing with my grandchildren........I simply cannot stop teasing people I like.

Sea, how was the weekend? Heading back south?

P.S. Sorry if we haven't been jabbing you enough. (You know you're just weird, man.)

(You know you're just weird, man.)


I second that emotion . . .

The perfect catch, Seaoat.



A Sunday 4 hour ER visit, 10 seconds to remove the hook and a lifetime story.

My brace little grandson.

OUCH!!

Better save that photo someplace else besides electronic devices and/or even the cloud. It needs archival quality paper, IMHO. Amazing!

Presume he did that to himself trying to cast? (Hoping someone else didn't hook him by mistake. lol)

The ER visit was probably more dangerous for the flu germs than anything that happened with his ear.

Happy healing to him!

Thankfully they were whisk into a separate room to wait for 4 hours. All of them wearing masks. He hooked himself and survived his mommy' initial reaction which borders on insanity. The doc gave him the fishhook in a specimen cup. Everybody has seen it and heard the story and he's enjoying every bit of it.

Glad all turned out OK and that grandson is enjoying the attention.
Care to elaborate on mommy's "bordering on insanity" reaction? (Is that daughter, or d.i.l.?)

RealLindaL wrote:Glad all turned out OK and that grandson is enjoying the attention.
Care to elaborate on mommy's "bordering on insanity" reaction? (Is that daughter, or d.i.l.?)

It is daughter. Son in law was out of town, he can usually calm her down. She gets hysterical and screams out orders... he will usually ask her which one of those do you want me to do first. This time however the nieces were there and they followed her orders...call an ambulance, call your dad, and get the neighbors.

She had neighbors showing up with bolt cutters, EMS enroute, and sister and brother in law from a block away...heading to the scene. After the initial shock wears off then she can calm herself down.

Joanimaroni wrote:She had neighbors showing up with bolt cutters, EMS enroute, and sister and brother in law from a block away...heading to the scene. After the initial shock wears off then she can calm herself down.

Gosh, I sure hope so.   That has to be hard on everyone involved.

Meanwhile, am presuming Sea is indeed en route here and that we'll hear from him soon.

Wishing him a safe trip.