time is getting short

Lol... poor kid.  I've hooked myself a few times... mostly in the hands. But my sister hooked my ear as a kid. No er visits... my grandfather said to count with him to three... and yanked it out on two. Lol... that stuck with me.  It didn't hurt much... but i was irritated that he tricked me... lol. I carry surgical snips in my tackle box now.

PkrBum wrote:Lol... poor kid.  I've hooked myself a few times... mostly in the hands. But my sister hooked my ear as a kid. No er visits... my grandfather said to count with him to three... and yanked it out on two. Lol... that stuck with me.  It didn't hurt much... but i was irritated that he tricked me... lol. I carry surgical snips in my tackle box now.

I was home with the flu....she was amazed at the ease and quickness of the procedure. One hok was in the head and one in the ear.

That photo is a classic. It will be in your family folk lore for another generation. I have hooked my self sadly multiple times and I was lucky to get them out myself, but had some problems with infection because I did not properly clean after getting the hook out. You daughter's husband is one of those people who rise to the emergency and calmly take control. Your daughter has relied on his strength in those situations and this was her baby.....moms rule.

In Navarre. Bad night in Metropolis at the Harrahs.........worse butt kicking in a year. The dealer had to wake me up repeatedly and I made some very bad judgment calls. You can see me at the water front with a sign.......help feed seaoat because he lost everything thinking he could still play cards......the process of liver failure counterfeits that you still actually are making good decisions. I felt better today and helped drive. Again, I was shocked at the gas prices. I get disruptions in the supply during hurricanes, but after following panhandle gas prices for almost fifty years.....I think something dishonest is involved in local pricing.

2seaoat wrote:You can see me at the water front with a sign.......help feed seaoat because he lost everything thinking he could still play cards......

The train schedule has been refined. The surgeons assistant has never seen a 21k hormone level. My level was 14k in November where it jumped up from eight hundred a year earlier, and where through surgeries I had gotten it as low as 400. It did drop to 19k from the tests last week. All my liver functions went up and she would let the doctor better explain the timetable.

He called me an hour later, and basically said I have a 51% (probable) to live six months. He thinks the three to six month time frame is probably highly probably, but at anytime the liver could quickly deteriorate. He also said there could be some time beyond six months, but each patient is variable.

I thanked both of them for their efforts as part of the 11 surgeries which started with a diseased gall bladder being removed until my last stay at Northwestern for a chemo liver emoblization. I said I was deeply grateful for the extension of the four years of quality in my life, and I would let them know if the oncologist was aware of any targeted immune therapy, but he warned if the liver declines much more even a target therapy could not reverse the liver damage or the timetable.

So there it is. A doctor said I could make it to six months, but the most likely time period will be three months to six months. Now after years of battling and not giving up, I must simply accept the cards as they have been dealt as all cards are now on the table. I emailed the kids and told them I look forward to spring break, but the doctor warned that I will soon have a hard time getting out of bed, and my appetite will decline, with more itching, weight loss, mental confusion, bleeding, and bruising. We will return to Illinois at the end of March and I will never return. Fortunately, we had great results from our pros on the project, and before I pass I think I may have given my wife many options.

We take neighbors out to dinner Tuesday, and I will be emailing two groups of poker buddies that I will try to schedule a game in April. Again, as strange as this may sound, I have never been happier in my life, and only get sad when I see the reaction of the wife and kids. I do not have to act upbeat. I am upbeat. Six months is forever.

2seaoat wrote:Six months is forever.

Then I'm sure we all wish you your full six months, if not a bit longer, and in the   best possible condition to be able to enjoy the cherished time remaining with your loved ones.  

I'll admit the "I will never return" statement got to me -- but it doesn't matter how I or anyone else here feels.   You and your family are all that matters now.

One thing's for certain: though the handwriting may be on the wall, no one will ever be able to say that Seaoat didn't fight the most valiant fight there ever was.

You will live on forever! You are the memory maker for your family, especially your grandchildren who will always cherish you in their hearts.

My daughter did not take this well and emailed me back concerned about the pain levels. My son and daughter have seen the infrequent moan or grimace as I watch the grandkids play basketball. I told her the pain is tolerable, and that I am forever grateful to have the possibility to live six months. I also asked that they get a sturdy beach chair because it is difficult getting up.

Z and I shared PM for years. He kept his secret of his wheelchair bound status from the forum but felt secure with helping me with how to get out of chairs as I was beginning to have problems. He was basically giving up his anonymous status to help me. That took courage, and I was always grateful. He did the same for Bob. I have enjoyed the PM over the years as many good people have crossed all our paths in our journey. I appreciate your concern, but please do not make this into something more than it is. I was blessed with a wonderful life and I chose ten years ago to share my health journey. There was a reason why z did not share the specifics of his health journey because he did not think he deserved sympathy because he wanted to be treated like the helicopter pilot he once was. A man who shared his wisdom with me. So keep it real or I will always feel like you have put me in a wheel chair and feel sorry for me.......I am still an arrogant argumentative stubborn forum member....please do not turn me into something I am not.....a person needing sympathy. Not a chance, but I will take you to the end of this journey as best I can.

So it's OK for you to share what you're going through, but not OK for the rest of us to share our very normal and natural human reactions and feelings about it all?

Besides, Sea, there's a world of difference between expressing sorrow about an impending loss, and demonstrating sympathy or pity for someone who doesn't want it. I haven't seen the latter here at all.

Well you have been kinda of nice, and Dreams just took off as it was no fun debating the dying guy, and honestly my presence on the forum has turned me into debbie downer. However, it is still fun to participate and honestly I have over the years just spent time messing with people for kicks and grins. It got real with Leo, Neko, T, Bob, and Z who were people I never met, but spent more time with than I have with high school friends over a four year period in the sixties. I think I started posting in 2003 or thereabout. It was before Ivan. So I understand the feelings when we are going to lose a forum member. There is a void. We always had new members, but now we are simply a sock drawer, which honestly is ok, but I just wish new people would have joined five years ago, but the environment was so caustic.......and perhaps I was part of that negative environment, but I have always tried to remain constructive unless I am dealing with a racist or Nazi.

2seaoat wrote: , but now we are simply a sock drawer,  

We all start out like a sock in the drawer and we all end up lost in the wash.

I had a little bit of fun emailing my partners my health update. We have a buy sell agreement which needs to be updated as I am for sure passing in the near future. I told them I would like to discuss the same sooner than later as confusion will set in as the liver fails. I explained that some people would argue that I have been confused since I was thirty, and then contacted my friends in Marco Island area that if I can get my shots transferred to Tampa where I could visit them in mid March avoiding a two or three day trip to Illinois. I told them as I get more confused that I probably will understand why so many of them supported Trump......no response yet. I contacted my oncologist about the shot location in March and hope that I can avoid going back to Illinois until the first week in April.

we are now simply a sock drawer

Nailed it!

I had a friend email and say if I start supporting Trump I will not have to worry about the cancer as he is going to shoot me next time he sees me. I think they may be coming down at the end of the month when the kids are here as they are in Arizona right now.

We had a wonderful dinner with some neighbors in Milton who we have known for about ten years. Salt of the earth people who think I am a maniac with my work ethic and think Mrs. Seaoat should be nominated for sainthood. Maybe that is why the big guy is keeping me around a few more months, to make sure more people will be able to witness Mrs. Seaoat's miracles. We laughed and told stories, but they could see my decline. I am the amazing shrinking man. It will not be long before I am going to run out of places to punch new belt holes to hold my pants up.

Sadly they were curling fans.....so I did not do my John Belushi on the guitar player, but said it reminds me when we used to play hockey on the frozen fox river in Illinois and would get beer cans for pucks and tree branches from the islands. If you have ever been hit in the face with a steel beer can which has been turned into shredded steel, it kind of makes the game stupid, but even as stupid as our hockey games were.......nothing compares to curling. I dunked a basketball my junior year in high school. My son dunked it his freshman year, soon sixth graders will be doing the same, yet the antithesis of athletic competition is curling. It has to be a Russian plot as soft Americans think they could be an olympic athlete......if only they could do some doping to allow them to handle the vigorous competition of curling.......I am ready lord if I never have to see another curling event or hear an adult talking about curling. I think they picked up my crazy on curling, and the subject was changed. Otherwise a delightful night on a diminishing inventory of the same.

2seaoat wrote:My daughter did not take this well and emailed me back concerned about the pain levels.  My son and daughter have seen the infrequent moan or grimace as I watch the grandkids play basketball.  I told her the pain is tolerable, and that I am forever grateful to have the possibility to live six months.  I also asked that they get a sturdy beach chair because it is difficult getting up.

Z and I shared PM for years.  He kept his secret of his wheelchair bound status from the forum but felt secure with helping me with how to get out of chairs as I was beginning to have problems.  He was basically giving up his anonymous status to help me.  That took courage, and I was always grateful.  He did the same for Bob.  I have enjoyed the PM over the years as many good people have crossed all our paths in our journey.   I appreciate your concern, but please do not make this into something more than it is.  I was blessed with a wonderful life and I chose ten years ago to share my health journey.  There was a reason why z did not share the specifics of his health journey because he did not think he deserved sympathy because he wanted to be treated like the helicopter pilot he once was.  A man who shared his wisdom with me.  So keep it real or I will always feel like you have put me in a wheel chair and feel sorry for me.......I am still an arrogant argumentative stubborn forum member....please do not turn me into something I am not.....a person needing sympathy.  Not a chance, but I will take you to the end of this journey as best I can.

Your daughter's heart is involved. It is emotional for her.

2seaoat wrote:Sadly they were curling fans.....so I did not do my John Belushi on the guitar player, but said it reminds me when we used to play hockey on the frozen fox river in Illinois and would get beer cans for pucks and tree branches from the islands.  If you have ever been hit in the face with a steel beer can which has been turned into shredded steel, it kind of makes the game stupid, but even as stupid as our hockey games were.......nothing compares to curling.  I dunked a basketball my junior year in high school.  My son dunked it his freshman year, soon sixth graders will be doing the same, yet the antithesis of athletic competition is curling.   It has to be a Russian plot as soft Americans think they could be an olympic athlete......if only they could do some doping to allow them to handle the vigorous competition of curling.......I am ready lord if I never have to see another curling event or hear an adult talking about curling.  I think they picked up my crazy on curling, and the subject was changed.  Otherwise a delightful night on a diminishing inventory of the same.

We played schoolyard hockey on concrete. So who invented curling? I guess some people like it but to me it's like trying to take the Monty Python silly walks sketch seriously.

I think I will have my wife spread my ashes on the islands in Illinois and my headstone will be a curling stone........with the inscription "he just suddenly died stoned, and no place to hang his gold medal", and then have two concrete figures with brooms hoovering over the memorial.

2seaoat wrote:I think I will have my wife spread my ashes on the islands in Illinois and my headstone will be a curling stone........with the inscription "he just suddenly died stoned, and no place to hang his gold medal", and then have two concrete figures with brooms hoovering over the memorial.  

Please tell your wife to post a picture here. Sounds like looking at that might be more interesting than looking at a curling match.

Made it home. I had the first good news in two years. I have been waiting on the PRRT trials at Northwestern for two years. It would have been thirty to fifty thousand with three trips to Belgium to get this treatment, but I kept being told that NW would get the trials. Now that I am failing, I thought my liver functions would disqualify me, but they are still in the trial criteria, Medicare is a go and has been paying for the procedure, the only fly in the ointment is that the Nuclear medicine docs have to tally my total radiation before I can go forward. The great news is that PRRT knocks out bone mets. The bone mets are a major source of my liver failure and PRRT is 95% positive on getting the bone mets. I feel like a yo yo. I had resigned to the fact that an unstoppable process had begun. Now it is simply a race.....will I be strong enough for this procedure, or will I fade faster than anticipated. This is an amazing ride.

2seaoat wrote:This is an amazing ride.

Sure seem that way, and good attitude as usual. When will you know about the radiation tally? Not sure why that should take any time at all, given they have all your records, or so I presume.

One other question is, while I get it about bone mets and generalized liver failure, what about any anticipated affect on the actual liver tumors?

In any case thanks for sharing the hopeful news, and please keep us in the loop.

PRRT is a form of targeted treatment comprised of a targeting molecule which carries a radioactive component. Once administered through infusion drip (IV) into the bloodstream, the targeting molecule binds to a specific receptor on tumor cells, and is then internalized into the target cells, where the radioactive component destroys the tumor cells from within.

The FDA approved the drug in late 2017 and Northwestern started the procedure about February with remarkable results with patients. They will contact me if I qualify for treatment. I was not given a time table for the approval or disapproval, but right now I have some hope that my entire body will be attacked with this therapy, and it will be three IVs every eight weeks. My current sando shots will have to be changed because the treatment does not allow the same for 30 days prior to PRRT IV drip. I am so fricking lucky. I mean I still may not make it to the treatment, and I may be too weak, but the European PRRT treatments were getting somewhere near three year extensions of life and about 95% certainty in knocking out bone mets which have become quite painful.

I considered travel to Europe for this treatment, but two years ago this trial was supposed to be approved. As I began to weaken, I gave up on the flying to Europe as I have not flown since being sick because of the rapid onset bathroom issues, and my weakened immune system. Also, I did not think it fair to dip into assets for such an experimental procedure which would strip discretionary funds which could supplement my wife's retirement because when I die, she will not get my ss survivor benefits because her teaching pension is greater than the amount which would allow her those benefits.

I honestly believe the guy upstairs is enjoying taking me right to the edge of the abyss just for chuckles and grins. However, the scary decline is irreversible and I do not anticipate my muscles returning. However, the idea of my tailbone bone mets being knocked out.......celebration at Seaoat's house.

Fingers crossed.

Joanimaroni wrote:Fingers crossed.

AMEN . . . . thinking of you Mr. Oats!

What Joani and Knot said! Hope NW does not drag its feet to the point of unintentional cruelty.