Most embarassing bathroom story

I have too many, but since I have been ill and the hormones attack the large intestine, there is a very unpleasant aroma after I use the bathroom. At home we keep a candle burning in the bathroom and keep the bathroom fan going all the time. We also got one of those filtering machines. However, I was in a public bathroom......I destroyed the place, and as people are coming in to use the bathroom you hear these people exclaim oh chit......what the hell.....who died.......well after about three minutes of repeated comments, I sheepishly went to wash my hands.....and of course I knew the person who said Jesus Seaoat what elephant crawled up and died inside of you.........you just cannot say a word, except laugh at yourself.

Fa la la la la la la la la...

My wife and I were avid campers, and we would go with other couples and our kids to campgrounds all over America. Well my one friend would always bring a whopee cushion. We would get a group of us and wait outside the bathroom as one of our group would go into the men's or women's bathroom and just start ripping and moaning with the whoppee cushion. Well at a campground the sounds travel and as every person who exited would immediately claim it was not them.......it was hilarious. As we would ask .......sir are you ok........we would sit at the picnic table at the campsite and as a group of people approached just let it rip, and watched the range of behavior. Poor Hillary cannot even go to the bathroom without a bunch of sophomoric idiots wanting to make fun of her.......gee......I guess that includes me.

The best part was all the kids could see their parents acting stupid and laughing. They learned that we were all children too.

I took my grandsons plus an extra to the Naval Museum. We do this several times a year..As we were leaving I asked if they needed to go to the bathroom....they all said no. We went into the gift shop and the boys looked around for about 10 minutes.

In the Museum they were having a retirement ceremony in the open facing  the large expanse of windows....about 3 stories high.

As the boys ran out of the Museum, a little ahead of me, they all headed for the tree in front of the windows and began 'watering the tree'..I screamed and they stopped midstream and I told them....200 people were watching them. They were mortified.

Great story which reminded me of my son. My brother had a swimming pool and when the kids were younger they were told to leave the pool and just pee on the grass. That was what they thought you did at or around a pool. Well we were at a large pool party with lots of adults when my son simply whips it out and start peeing on the grass next to the pool......the looks we got were icy stares like what animals.....we just started laughing and told my son to use the bathroom when not at his uncle's house. It was not real funny at the moment though, because the host of the party was aghast.

Seaoat....it was so easy to potty train the boys with a pool. The older ones would get out of the pool to water my plants and the little ones followed....the girls went to the pee-pee station....he water faucet by the French drain. The ability to pee outside is captivating for a kid even when the pool bath is right by the pee-pee  station.

My most embarrassing bathroom story happened when I lived near Toledo, Ohio a few decades back and was in a Shoney's Big Boy restaurant with my son and my now late ex-husband, wearing a lightweight dress.   I went to the ladies' room and when I came out and headed down the aisle back to our booth, I heard a low murmur following me.  When I went to sit down and made the instinctive scooping motion to smooth my skirt underneath me, I realized with a certain horror that the dress' skirt was tucked into my panty hose in the back, such that the other Big Boy patrons had a nice view of my rear end all the way down the aisle.  Fortunately I was wearing undies beneath the hose, but still, the amused shock in the room was palpable, and my sense of humiliation was unrivaled at any other moment in my life (except for maybe once in elementary school, but that's a story for another day).  
As for Ohio, I wasn't sorry when we moved away from there in 1980, for several reasons including the relief that I'd be leaving behind any who recalled my shameful evening of infamy at Shoney's Big Boy.

I was using the restroom at USA Medical Center. I had a large can of pepper spray in my sock. There was no safety on the can. I pushed my pants down and it fired the canister into my leg and underwear. The burn was intense and there are sensitive parts hanging around down there. I didn't want to be caught washing down outside the stall so I took the burn and pulled my pants up. I am sure people thought I pooped my pants as they saw me walking cowboy style to the van.....lucky it was late and there were not a lot of people around....

I am not familiar with pepper spray, but are you saying that it burns the skin? I knew it made a mess of nose, mouth, and eyes, but that stuff is a lot more powerful than I thought. Does it linger in the air or settle on a toilet seat where the next person sitting down would get burned?

Interesting stories.

2seaoat wrote:I am not familiar with pepper spray, but are you saying that it burns the skin?  I knew it made a mess of nose, mouth, and eyes, but that stuff is a lot more powerful than I thought.  Does it linger in the air or settle on a toilet seat where the next person sitting down would get burned?

I was very  careful to catch all of it in my underwear being the socially conscientious person I am. It's not as bad as if you hit a mucous membrane with it but I assure you that it's hot on any skin especially moist thin skin with lots of nerve endings....here let me draw a diagram.....

I think I understand now.

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I was using the restroom at USA Medical Center. I had a large can of pepper spray in my sock. There was no safety on the can. I pushed my pants down and it fired the canister into my leg and underwear. The burn was intense and there are sensitive parts hanging around down there. I didn't want to be caught washing down outside the stall so I took the burn and pulled my pants up. I am sure people thought I pooped my pants as they saw me walking cowboy style to the van.....lucky it was late and there were not a lot of people around....

I think this has my story beat, Teo.   Thanks for the guffaws!

RealLindaL wrote:

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I was using the restroom at USA Medical Center. I had a large can of pepper spray in my sock. There was no safety on the can. I pushed my pants down and it fired the canister into my leg and underwear. The burn was intense and there are sensitive parts hanging around down there. I didn't want to be caught washing down outside the stall so I took the burn and pulled my pants up. I am sure people thought I pooped my pants as they saw me walking cowboy style to the van.....lucky it was late and there were not a lot of people around....

I think this has my story beat, Teo.   Thanks for the guffaws!

You are welcome...I lived in Ohio for about 14 years....Good old Lake county...

TEOTWAWKI wrote:
You are welcome...I lived in Ohio for about 14 years....Good old Lake county...

What were you doing/where did you work in Lake County, Teo?  

Being a native of Virginia, I found myself feeling stranded in Ohio, not being near either ocean or mountains.   And in the flat lands of Ohio's northwest corner, I found myself riding down the road looking for a ravine beside the highway -- just anything for a bit of interest in the land.  

I will say Ohio was a great training ground and I did well there career-wise, but the best part was the people.

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I was using the restroom at USA Medical Center. I had a large can of pepper spray in my sock. There was no safety on the can. I pushed my pants down and it fired the canister into my leg and underwear. The burn was intense and there are sensitive parts hanging around down there. I didn't want to be caught washing down outside the stall so I took the burn and pulled my pants up. I am sure people thought I pooped my pants as they saw me walking cowboy style to the van.....lucky it was late and there were not a lot of people around....

I almost peed my pants laughing just now! Why in the hell did you have a can of pepper spray in your sock?

RealLindaL wrote:

TEOTWAWKI wrote:
You are welcome...I lived in Ohio for about 14 years....Good old Lake county...

What were you doing/where did you work in Lake County, Teo?  

Being a native of Virginia, I found myself feeling stranded in Ohio, not being near either ocean or mountains.   And in the flat lands of Ohio's northwest corner, I found myself riding down the road looking for a ravine beside the highway -- just anything for a bit of interest in the land.  

I will say Ohio was a great training ground and I did well there career-wise, but the best part was the people.

I worked in Cleveland at Gould. Also in Solon at a startup medical systems company.

Speaking of Northwest Ohio I almost drown in the Maumee River outside of Toledo when it was flooding...long swim.

I am from Virginia myself....West Virginia.

I liked the people pretty well. I worked for an Apache Indian chief at Gould and we became good friends...we both cried when I got transferred to North Carolina with a new job...

Vikingwoman wrote:

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I was using the restroom at USA Medical Center. I had a large can of pepper spray in my sock. There was no safety on the can. I pushed my pants down and it fired the canister into my leg and underwear. The burn was intense and there are sensitive parts hanging around down there. I didn't want to be caught washing down outside the stall so I took the burn and pulled my pants up. I am sure people thought I pooped my pants as they saw me walking cowboy style to the van.....lucky it was late and there were not a lot of people around....

I almost peed my pants laughing just now! Why in the hell did you have a can of pepper spray in your sock?

I was working late and people had been getting mugged in the parking lot late at night...I had kids and didn't keep hand guns in the house or carry back then...besides back then I could hold my own in a fight.....getting old requires augmentation...

TEOTWAWKI wrote:

I worked in Cleveland at Gould. Also in Solon at a startup medical systems company.

Speaking of Northwest Ohio I almost drown in the Maumee River outside of Toledo when it was flooding...long swim.

I am from Virginia myself....West Virginia.

I liked the people pretty well. I worked for an Apache Indian chief at Gould and we became good friends...we both cried when I got transferred to North Carolina with a new job...

Interesting, Teo, thanks.   As for the Maumee River, never swam in it myself, and I guess I'm glad I didn't, especially during flood stage. (!)   Also glad you didn't drown.   I might've read about it in the news had it happened while I lived nearby.  

West Virginia ain't Virginia, of course, but one of the prettiest places I ever visited was Lost River State Park in WVA, not far from the summer camp I used to attend in my youth in the Shenandoah Valley of VA.