Funny from Texas

ONLY IN TEXAS

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston, Texas. I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day . . .

"President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.

"And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few cold drinks, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."

Sorry......I read it twice, and still do not get the humor in the piece. Maybe if I was drunk and fell down the stairs and hit my head, I might appreciate the humor, but head injury would have to be serious.

2seaoat wrote:Sorry......I read it twice, and still do not get the humor in the piece.  Maybe if I was drunk and fell down the stairs and hit my head, I might appreciate the humor, but head injury would have to be serious.

I am shocked...SHOCKED I SAY that you don't see the humor in anything about your messiah. Your anger has overtaken you. That's a shame.

I am shocked...SHOCKED I SAY that you don't see the humor in anything about your messiah. Your anger has overtaken you. That's a shame.


I have always had this belief that people who still use their AOL email address and tell stupid jokes which are not funny have many things in common. I would bet you still use an AOL email address. Just a hunch.

Poor Seaoat

Mitt Romney’s got jokes.

The 2012 Republican presidential nominee had some fun at President Obama’s expense over the weekend while campaigning for GOP Senate candidate Joni Ernst in Iowa.

"Now when you run for office, people tell you you shouldn't tell jokes," Romney said, according to the Washington Free Beacon. "But I'm not running for office, so I can tell one."
The former Massachusetts governor then launched into his story:

President Obama went to the bank to cash a check and he didn’t have his ID. And the teller said you’ve got to prove who you are.

He said, “How should I do that?” She said the other day Phil Mickelson came in, he didn’t have his ID but he set up a little cup on the ground, took a golf ball, putted it right into that cup so they knew it was Phil Mickelson. They cashed his check.

And then Andre Agassi came in. And Andre Agassi didn’t have his ID either. He put a little target on the wall, took a tennis ball and racquet — hit it onto that target. We knew that was Andre Agassi so we cashed his check.

And she said to him, “Is there anything you can do to prove who you are?” And [Obama] said, “I don’t have a clue.”

And she said, “Well, Mr. President, do you want your money in small bills or large bills.”

Ernst is locked in a tight race with Rep. Bruce Braley (D-Iowa) to replace retiring Sen. Tom Harkin (D)

http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/220542-romney-cracks-joke-about-obama

Candidate Romney should have told more jokes.

Bet u know all about ir