Pkrbum and Seaoat

How are you guys doing?

Wouldn't expect to hear from Sea right away, since he was just getting back on the road Wednesday after his shot, coming back down here to be with the kids/grandkids arriving Saturday for Spring Break at Navarre Beach. At least that was the plan, if I have it right. Surprised the heck outta me that he planned to make it back here.

Anyway, maybe later tonight? Do hope all's well with him, of course.

Have to presume Pkr's managing OK since he's been posting in Politics.

RealLindaL wrote:Wouldn't expect to hear from Sea right away, since he was just getting back on the road Wednesday after his shot, coming back down here to be with the kids/grandkids arriving Saturday for Spring Break at Navarre Beach.  At least that was the plan, if I have it right.  Surprised the heck outta me that he planned to make it back here.

Anyway, maybe later tonight?  Do hope all's well with him, of course.

Have to presume Pkr's managing OK since he's been posting in Politics.

You mean "trolling" in politics Linda not posting.

Telstar wrote:

RealLindaL wrote:Have to presume Pkr's managing OK since he's been posting in Politics.

You mean "trolling" in politics Linda not posting.

You're right, of course.  Silly me.    

I'm doing alright... thank you.

I am struggling right now after a horrible and ill advised trip back down. I will update tonight or in the morning. I hope PK can tell us a bit about his mother, and some of his fond memories.

I'll try before long. It's tough to sort my feelings yet. She had been in the hospital for 10 days and undergone every test known. She wanted out of the hospital very badly and upon clearance I took her to my home. She was improving each day at home. But awoke 6am last Sunday w the same abdominal pains that she was hospitalized for. She didn't want to go to the er and just took a pain pill. I checked on her at 7:30 and she was sleeping. I waited until 9:30 to wake her to come out for breakfast. I knew as soon as i opened the door that something was wrong. I started cpr and called 911. I have too many regrets to describe. They override my grief.

I lost both my parents in my 30's. I have always firmly believed that we take them into our hearts, where they continue to live. Pray for the strength to endure this, and you will receive it.

I am so sorry for the cards which were dealt to you. You can second guess, and you are certainly entitled to your regrets, but when our time comes, it simply is time. At ten years old I watched my father drop pens while writing twice. Within two weeks he was dead of a massive stroke. As a child, I tried to impute that I should have known that dropping pens were a clear sign of an impending stroke, but that was child like fantasy. When my mother passed two years ago, I could not travel to Arizona. I had gone the first time she got seriously Ill and was hospitalized, but I cannot fly and a three day trip each way in the heat of September was not going to happen. My son, daughter in law and the two grandsons spent a week with her until she passed. She would call me each night and was thrilled with my son and the boys spending time with her. She got angry at my brother about a change in housing with hospice, and it got ugly as she attacked my sil and brother......my son just stayed in the background with the kids and cheered her up to the very end, but I can only say speaking from that experience, if a person does not want to be somewhere at the end, and if you insisted on doing something different than your mother wanted, it could have ended with strife, rather than her passing quietly. It is killing me now to feel your pain, as I know my wife, son and daughter are all going to second guess my choices.

I have put an air mattress on top of the existing mattress which elevates me where I can swivel and get on my feet. I told my wife there is a good chance it might be that bed where I pass, and like Z, I do not want them to watch me suffer. This life we were given is a fickled thing, and sometimes none of us have control over how the journey will end. Take care of yourself and we all have you in our prayers.

2seaoat wrote:I can only say speaking from that experience, if a person does not want to be somewhere at the end, and if you insisted on doing something different than your mother wanted, it could have ended with strife, rather than her passing quietly.

Pkr, Sea knows whereof he speaks here.  Listen to him and try to unload the guilt, which will do no one, least of all yourself, any good whatsoever.   Surely your mom would not want you beating yourself up.  

Look, I know it's easier said than done.  And I'm not a praying person but will be hoping you can get past the regrets.   (We've all had them, imperfect beings that we are.)  In this case it's eminently clear you did the best you could to follow your mother's wishes, and no one can fault you for that, so for her sake don't fault yourself any longer.

2seaoat wrote:I am struggling right now after a horrible and ill advised trip back down.

Very sorry to hear this. Take the best care you can and let us know how you're doing in the morning.

Thank you... I just feel so damn mad and out of control of my feelings. Went thru pictures last night and it was a roller coaster. I had tears rolling down my face this morning just putting her coffee cup back on the shelf. I keep getting shock waves though my body remembering my realization that she wasn't alive. My siblings are here but I feel irritated with them. I try to be open... it's just jumbled. My kids got here last night. I wish I was better at expressing my feelings.

So very sorry Pkr. Your mother was where she wanted to be.

Seaoat take it easy.

After my mother in the most cruel way attacked my brother and sister in law during her final week, I know that my brother was devastated as was his wife.  Very sick people do not have the time or strength to be anything but abrupt, but I was able to say some words at graveside when we buried her just one hundred feet from Bear Bryant, (the whole family are Auburn fans) and that was but for their kind caretaking of our mother, she would not have lived as long as she did.  The guilt my brother has is corrosive.  He feels he made a mistake on changing hospice, but he did the same on doctors orders because she looked like she was going to recover and need the best longterm hospice care and space was available.

I remember my son calling me upset, but not interjecting that my brother had made a bad decision, but it really was too late, and my mother was lashing out, but in a family setting all too many times people say things which do not help, so my son remained silent.

So the son and DIL and my grandsons will be here in an hour.  I am still able to walk out to a chair on the canal where I am giving my wife guidance, although I did dig  post holes, but she put the concrete in the same and we will be putting deck boards on a floating dock.  I will post photos.

My challenge now will be to get a safety harness which I can set up a electric hoist which will allow me to get into a kayak and then upon returning lift me out of the kayak into a standing position.  The problem now is the liver pain feels like my entire right side is aflame in pain and I must be careful because turning or lifting has become extremely painful.  You see you get up every morning not expecting to die this day, but none of us have much control on the same.  Hell, with this contraption I will build, I will probably break my neck before the liver fails.....hmmmmmm.

PkrBum wrote:I'll try before long. It's tough to sort my feelings yet. She had been in the hospital for 10 days and undergone every test known. She wanted out of the hospital very badly and upon clearance I took her to my home. She was improving each day at home. But awoke 6am last Sunday w the same abdominal pains that she was hospitalized for.  She didn't want to go to the er and just took a pain pill. I checked on her at 7:30 and she was sleeping. I waited until 9:30 to wake her to come out for breakfast. I knew as soon as i opened the door that something was wrong. I started cpr and called 911. I have too many regrets to describe. They override my grief.

Look, take this from somebody who really, really doesn't like you -- don't have regrets, because it's not your fault. I went through years with my bedridden father, and you do whatever you can for an ailing loved one. Sometimes you do things right, and sometimes they end up wrong, but all you can do is what seems right at the time. And when people are going to go, they go.

What killed my dad off was that he got a new nurse (right out of nursing school and all eager to practice what she'd learned) who didn't like his oxygen levels (he had congestive heart failure) so she put him on an oxygen tank. When my dad saw it, he said (happily), "Oh, is this what's going to kill me?" And, it did. The next morning he wouldn't wake up. I don't know the technical details, but he'd gotten in more oxygen than his system could absorb in the state it was, or something, got fluid in his lungs. They took him to the hospital and he revived and lingered for about a week, but never really recovered. The nurse -- through good intentions -- basically killed him off. But, we weren't mad at her, because he'd been declining for a long time. If the nurse hadn't done that, he may have lived another month or so, and he may not have, but he wasn't having much fun anymore at that point, so... I can question the nurse's decision (and my part in going along with it), but... no real regrets, and no real blame. It was just time.

You helped your mom go out on her own terms. You were doing what she wanted, and second-guessing that isn't going to help anything. It always sucks when a loved one dies, but don't have regrets when you were following her wishes. She's away from the pain and was spared the misery of being at the hospital, which it sounds like she really didn't like, so... you can trust this, because it's coming from somebody who's got no reason to just be kind to you -- you're not due any guilt over this. You did okay.

Thank you... I appreciate your sentiments.