Bullying--needs to stop period!

My daughter went to school Friday! Around lunch they were preparing to go to Panama City for a game ! Before they got on the buss they got news that a child of 15 hung himself -committed suicide .

The text you never want to get from your child --mommy a friend of mine committed suicide --nervious as I was my first question who hun someone in band ? No my friend in Criminal justice class --The whole buss is crying mom , we are going to dedicate our band night to him.

I told her try to get if off your mind I know its hard but try--she said mom we will be fine but im afraid after the game it will hit us again mom.

I told her just try to calm down--she got home around midnight she came In and I was concerned --I said hun did you know him well ? yes mom . Then she told me I talked to him all the time he is on my face-book--showed me his pic--15 years old   couple of months ago he made a video with him playing guitar singing Stand by Me--wont you stand by me.

I had to talk this out with her ! Did he ever talk to you about anything ? She said yea once he told me he felt like killing himself  -I said what did you say back! she said I told him not to do that because people who loved him would miss him and you don't want to do that !

I asked her did he tell you why --she said yes something about his dad or step dad or grandpa-I cant remember she said. I told her didn't we have this conversation a few weeks earlier about if your friends or anyone talked this way you should report it to someone ! she said yes mom but sometimes he made us laugh - just made jokes -most the time he was happy mom--we didn't know he would do this.

Theres rumors going around the school---The last day he went to school he went into the class upset that morning and his teacher told him to get a grip and kept calling the child out like kept telling him leave the crap at home which made the boy more upset! The teacher did this in front of the class--then I had learned children at school was awful tword him--the R.I.Ps on his FB prove that --some read---I don't care what people said about you I loved you  

So then they have these groups you can join I guess -I looked and one of his groups was called -Bullying--so I went there only to find children posting over and over I want to kill myself I cant take it anymore-Geeze I thought he joined to get help --there is no help there just kids trying to cheer up other kids--im like isn't there a site on the computer with a whole bunch of adults trying to help these kids --diff--ones posting they want to kill themselves:( 

yes I was searching trying to figure out how a 15 year old with a girlfriend and wasn't bad looking would do such a thing and well I never did figure it out other than he was bullied at school--and maybe some home issues  

So this morning my child says to me ! today will be hard mom --I said why? She said I have Criminal justice this morning and then my mind clicked Ohhh I said --try your best not to get upset all the children have to deal with this just try not to get upset ok--she said ok

Now ! I was put on the spot , She hasn't had to deal with a loss like this before a class mate ! And as a mom you don't really know what to say to your child ----My daughter has been bullied but we taught her to be strong and we take up for her when this has happned to her !

This is very sad --My prayers go out to this childs family 15 years old and im still left with the Question of WHY which bothers me .

I just want the schools to help --to instead of telling them to shut up --talk to them or send them in the right direction so someone can help the children .. Im sad about this - this boy was 15 in tenth grade:( 

I'm so sorry, Cool.  Prayers for the family of the boy and for your daughter and her classmates.  I hope parents and teachers will start taking this seriously.

I do to Neko --- signals are being missed and if caught maybe we could help these children , If I knew how I would help these kids like with a web-site where they could actually get the help they need !

Thanks for sharing that awful situation with us. I totally agree with you. It is sad how cruel kids can be to each other. I am sorry your child and you have to deal with this. Good luck.

Thank you Carl ive noticed on tv lately they are trying to stop it but they are not doing enough---It takes all of them to help these children--parents--teachers--friends just to many missed signals I think.

You are a good mom, Cool. An open communication with your daughter is very important.

Seems like teachers need a refresher course for in class interactions. Student humiliation can be devastating.

Thank you Joni --Yes I think so there needs to be a much better communication with these teachers and student --Things go on in school all the time and they just brush it off .

My opinion of the schools is the administrators lower the expectations so none of the kids are left behind or made to feel inferior to the others.. The students are the ones doing the bullying and the teachers just want to get thru the day so they can go home every night and not have to wonder "what if".. Now, I hope the teachers have to wonder "what if" for the rest of the year and every time they see something that reminds them of what they possibly could have stopped but never took the time to ask if they could help..

Suicide is the third leading cause of death in the 15 to 24 age group.

Jake92 wrote:My opinion of the schools is the administrators lower the expectations so none of the kids are left behind or made to feel inferior to the others..  The students are the ones doing the bullying and the teachers just want to get thru the day so they can go home every night and not have to wonder "what if"..  Now, I hope the teachers have to wonder "what if" for the rest of the year and every time they see something that reminds them of what they possibly could have stopped but never took the time to ask if they could help..

Maybe so, but the real problem lies with our new found reliance on technology. Between smart phones, internet, social media, and news media, today's kids don't have a prayer's chance in Hell. Without having to deal with life face-to-face with your peers, it's all too easy to cause harm to others without having to look the victim in the eye while you're doing it.

Joanimaroni wrote:Suicide is the third leading cause of death in the 15 to 24 age group.

The problem with that is, we all know why, we just don't know how to fix the why without getting rid of the why. Personally, I would have no problem with getting rid of most of the why.

Very true, but how many teachers friends, or parents are too busy to just ask "can I help you with something?" Just look how a few people helped Cool when she needed help, how many condemned her for asking, and how many never said a word..

ImpishScoundrel wrote:

Joanimaroni wrote:Suicide is the third leading cause of death in the 15 to 24 age group.

The problem with that is, we all know why, we just don't know how to fix the why without getting rid of the why.  Personally, I would have no problem with getting rid of most of the why.

Peer pressure is a huge part of the problem.

What I hate in this day and age....kids gow up too fast and mant yimes those that don't become targets.

All we can teach our children is that they must have the strength of conviction and courage to never stand by and allow another child to be stampeded by peer pressure. I have never been more proud of my daughter who would in high school go up to each new student and invite that student to her lunch table. In a few weeks the new student would make friends and sit with others at lunch, but she would continue to make sure they were ok. I saw her physically intervene when students were being bullied, and she never worried about being uncool or thought less of.........it was some of my proudest moments as a parent. It is strong children who must understand their duty. Parents must provide actions in their lives which demonstrate that to take on a bully is the highest duty a citizen can perform wherever that bully pokes its head up. However, to be an adolescent child is no cake walk. Life can seem so intense and so unfair. The strong must lead, but some children find no compassion and walk perceived lonely and uncaring lives. They have worth and it is what we teach our children which matters most.

Self confidence and self esteem give individuals the ability to stand up for themselves and for others. Unfortunately, many are lacking one or both.

A bully only survives when peers do not challenge that behavior. You are correct that those who are weak and lacking self confidence often do not have the inherent strength to challenge the bully......we have all at one time in our life been in that position, but as a parent, it is far more important to teach that it is unacceptable to simply sit back and watch the same happen to a classmate. A strong child can make all the difference when their actions are positive and courageous. Nobody wants to be ostracized, but there is a special place in heaven for those who challenge a bully and protect the meek.

2seaoat wrote:All we can teach our children is that they must have the strength of conviction and courage to never stand by and allow another child to be stampeded by peer pressure.   I have never been more proud of my daughter who would in high school go up to each new student and invite that student to her lunch table.  In a few weeks the new student would make friends and sit with others at lunch, but she would continue to make sure they were ok.   I saw her physically intervene when students were being bullied, and she never worried about being uncool or thought less of.........it was some of my proudest moments as a parent.   It is strong children who must understand their duty.   Parents must provide actions in their lives which demonstrate that to take on a bully is the highest duty a citizen can perform wherever that bully pokes its head up.  However, to be an adolescent child is no cake walk.  Life can seem so intense and so unfair.   The strong must lead, but some children find no compassion and walk perceived lonely and uncaring lives.   They have worth and it is what we teach our children which matters most.

All of you are right ! Seaoat you are so right the only thing at this point is to have our children stand up for the other students no matter what !
Not all have parents that listen to them at all its sad

My daughter said someone picked on her in a line she was in and she let them do it -then when she couldn't take it anymore she turned around and very loud to him -you are not all that great looking yourself! real loud --I asked her did you have anymore problems ? she said No---- 

But some are not that strong at all and feel as though no one cares-that's when the other students should speak up and call them out!

A big part of the problem is the children see the criminals charged and sent to court where a stinking judge lets them go with little or no punishment and then the crimes get worse and worse while the ones doing the crimes are free to repeat them on more and more people.. How many DUI's does it take or how many shoplifting, breaking and entering, theft, assault, illegal drug crimes does it take until a stinking judge locks the ass holes up?????

2seaoat wrote:A bully only survives when peers do not challenge that behavior.  You are correct that those who are weak and lacking self confidence often do not have the inherent strength to challenge the bully......we have all at one time in our life been in that position, but as a parent, it is far more important to teach that it is unacceptable to simply sit back and watch the same happen to a classmate.   A strong child can make all the difference when their actions are positive and courageous.  Nobody wants to be ostracized, but there is a special place in heaven for those who challenge a bully and protect the meek.

A bully only survives when peers do not challenge that behavior.

Absolutely....we have seen this on our forum. The bully wants people to fear his backlash.

When you peel back the layers of a bully you find an empty pathetic individual that has nothing to offer.

I know Jake My daughter did speak up once in middle school one student slapped another one --the mess ended up in the office --they didn't do anything and then told my daughter she lied

I went up to that school and told them as a 3rd party why would she lie to you -I told them she never lied to me why would you think my daughter isn't telling the truth--This is why some are scared to say anything probably
I told the school you don't ever tell my daughter she is lying unless you have proof I was sooo mad.

Another case of teachers/administrators not wanting to take the time to find out the truth..

cool1 wrote:I know Jake My daughter did speak up once in middle school one student slapped another one --the mess ended up in the office --they didn't do anything and then told my daughter she lied

I went up to that school and told them as a 3rd party why would she lie to you -I told them she never lied to me why would you think my daughter isn't telling the truth--This is why some are scared to say anything probably
I told the school you don't ever tell my daughter she is lying unless you have proof I was sooo mad.

Another form of bullying by administration...they ended the confrontation accepting what they wanted to be the truth.

Joanimaroni wrote:

cool1 wrote:I know Jake My daughter did speak up once in middle school one student slapped another one --the mess ended up in the office --they didn't do anything and then told my daughter she lied

I went up to that school and told them as a 3rd party why would she lie to you -I told them she never lied to me why would you think my daughter isn't telling the truth--This is why some are scared to say anything probably
I told the school you don't ever tell my daughter she is lying unless you have proof I was sooo mad.

Another form of bullying by administration...they ended the confrontation accepting what they wanted to be the truth.

They wanted it over with because they didn't want the girl to be charged --because she would have been arrested and in Juvi---I told them I didn't want to see her in that much trouble but something needs to be done to punish her --and they told me they were not there and all they had to go on was my daughter --so my daughter was called the lier ---I was soo mad
they do not want to charge these kids with anything --they told me it would go on the girls record -I said so -something needs to be done !

well since we we were not there --your daughter could be lying ooohh I was mad. 

THAT is why the crimes get worse and worse until somebody ends up dead or with a life of pain from injuries and the guilty ones eventually end up in prison after a judge puts them there OR killed by the police trying to break up a more serious crime ie; home invasion/bank robbery..

http://www.poynter.org/latest-news/creating-a-framework-for-ethical-decision-making-among-journalists-and-those-who-care-about-democracy/227095/bullying-is-not-on-the-rise-and-it-does-not-lead-to-suicide/