time is getting short

24 days and counting. My wife will drive me to a poker game on Wed. It will be ugly, but who knows......getting out and socializing is what I always did and just because I am extremely weak and not as talkative as I once was, I probably will have a good time. I will not win. I no longer play poker like I have a plan.....I am clueless. The loss of weight will shock some people who have not seen me in six months. I used to be able to hide that was very ill, but as the liver and kidneys start to fail, the atrophy of muscles and weight loss is very distinctive.

A poker game! Great! Hope you can manage to relax and enjoy it even if you don't win -- and who cares what anyone else thinks about your weight loss? You deserve the break. Glad you're taking it. Let us know how it goes.

As for me, I seem to be doing a little better and may actually attempt a short bike ride tomorrow. Tried to get out on the back deck for some fresh air and sunshine this afternoon, just to read my book and relax, but a new neighbor (long term renter) decided to use his power washer to disrupt the neighborhood quiet for the entire Sunday afternoon. I stayed out there for a good while anyway but it became more annoying than it was worth, and I went in. Some time in late afternoon he got quiet so I took my guitar outside to play and attempt to sing for the first time in weeks. I got two songs in before the aforesaid neighbor decided to start up using a loud grinder, sending me packing again. So much for a peaceful Sunday afternoon.

Now you have peaked my interest. First, I am glad you are feeling better, but we need to know more about this guitar and singing. Since T left, I did not think we had any talent left on the forum. Who is your favorite artist, and who do you wish you could play the guitar like........

I had to go to my local doc for a once a year physical for my blood pressure meds. He weighed me at 216, i have not weighed that little since my freshman year in College. In any regard, because of the weight loss he cut one of my blood pressure meds in half. I was bitching about having to go in because they know I am terminal and that I have docs at Northwestern......so when the nurse came in I was rude and angry.....I said everybody knows I will be dead before next year at this time, so why the need to drag my butt in here......turns out because dumb asz did not think about the massive weight loss impact on my blood pressure meds. I should have apologized to the nurse if I was a better man......but after sitting in a Walgreens in Milton trying to renew my bp meds, and being told NO, you need to make an appt. with the doc........so yea I am not a better man.

Wait -- what? Now you have me confused when you mention Milton.  You're not back in Florida, are you?  Quit mixing time frames.  lol   Anyway, a similar thing went down with me after losing some weight following my hospital sojourn a coupla weeks back:  one medication was cut back significantly, actually at my suggestion.  Here's hoping the reduction in your BP med will leave you feeling a little better -- seems it should.

As for your not being kind and patient with the doc's office staff, I think most would agree you get a pass.

As to my music, you've forgotten the following thread in the Music sub-forum:

https://pensacoladiscussion.forumotion.com/t23972-anyone-for-folk-scare-era

Can't say I have one favorite artist, but would love to be as facile on the guitar as the late Merle Travis. or maybe Mother Maybelle and some of the Carter Family.   I try, and am not all that bad, I guess, but won't be winning any awards (especially as I don't play before audiences - just for me).

Speaking of that forum thread, I wonder why panhandler dropped out of sight....

I was in the Milton Walgreens when my doctor's office gave me grief about not renewing my prescription until I made an appointment with my doc. I was piszed, because I was not going to drive back to Illinois and told them make an appointment in June. Panhandler posts infrequently but othershoe has stopped posting all together. I always enjoyed her posts. I know she has a place in NO and maybe she has been over there and not much thought about the forum. Many people will now just glance at the forum, but with the lost of Z, T, Bob, Neko, we rarely have real time discussions anymore, where people banter. I really do not see that returning as I believe we have slipped below the critical mass necessary for real time discussions. It is hit or miss if you catch a person to do the traditional banter and follow up. Now it is more of a 24 hour response time to many posts.

I believe that my life is week to week now. The decline in strength, and the out of control pain indicate to me I might not make it to the 27th, and I am highly doubtful that my labs will allow them to proceed. I had to leave the poker game in pain last night, and I have been in bed all day as my body breaks down as I can no longer control the pain. The PRRT was two months late.

Sea, old friend, I'm so terribly sorry to hear this. Your suffering is, I'm sure, beyond comprehension for most if not all of us, the pain doubtless rendered sharper in the knowledge of what might have been, and how near yet far, if not approaching impossible, is the PRRT hope for you now. Words of cheer and encouragement escape me; I only know you're hurting, and simply hate that it can't be helped.
Please don't tell me or anyone else except the stone cold hearted not to feel a deep sadness that this is happening to you. That's just not a reasonable request.
But also please don't cut us off until the time comes when you absolutely must. We're with you all the way, come what may.

Sea, how are you feeling today? Any better?

my liver and kidneys are on their last leg. Yesterday was the worse day since I have been Ill.

Wish something could somehow bring you some relief, give you a bit of a respite, at least.

Hoping today will be much better...

How was your day, Seaoat?

it is becoming difficult to post. Fifteen days to PRRT and I feel like some mornings I will not make it to the 27th. You will hear from me infrequently.

Hang in there bud. We're all pulling for you to make the 27th and make a turn around. Best wishes.

You are thought about daily.

What Joani and Pkr said.

I appreciate everybody's kind words, but I have slipped down the rabbit hole and do not expect to be back. This is the best I have felt in four weeks...three hours of minimum pain and a golf cart ride. My body has wasted away and the PRRT will be too late. No regrets, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult to type or even hold the laptop in comfort anymore. I will be gone by July or sooner. My only sadness is seeing my wife and daughter's reaction to the wasting and how little strength I have. On top of all the other challenges, we now have a racoon and baby under our tub. Mrs. Seaoat is under a great deal of stress, and I am simply out of my head with pain, and remember with sadness when retired leo sent me a pm saying he was too weak to post, but he would try to read....he was gone about a week later and his daughter told us that he had dreamed of having his ashes spread in North Carolina, and now after so many people have passed, I am blessed with the wisdom that there is much more to life and death than what we comprehend

Love and prayers for you.

Thank you, Sea, for making the significant effort to post.   Please keep sharing with us, at least a little, as long as you're reasonably able.  Your posts are most definitely appreciated -- I would even say cherished at this point, but don't want to make you sicker than you already are.  lol
Here's wishing you more "hours of minimum pain and a golf cart ride" during this end stage journey.   I say let someone else take care of the raccoons and any other distractions that arise.
As for Mrs. Seaoat, from everything you've told us -- and even with due respect for the substantial stress and grief she's experiencing -- it's hard to imagine she won't be plenty strong enough to be OK in the long run.  The two of you are both troopers par excellence.

I am sorry to be reading this, Oatie. You will be missed on this forum. I hope you don't allow yourself to continue to suffer. There's really no point to it.

Sorry buddy. I won a poker tourn last night... if that brings you any joy. Pretty much dominated it from start to finish. A nice 14k payday. I hope that you can enjoy this beautiful spring weather a little. Take care.

Very sorry for this news, and I'll continue hoping for a better outcome as long as that's a possibility. You've fought hard and you've fought well and I'm hoping you'll have as little pain as possible and fit some more good times in there. In any case, I admire your resilience. You are one tough dude.

Nine days to PRRT. I will try to stay as strong as I can, but I doubt that my labs are going to allow the procedure. I am forcing food down now knowing if I do not, I may weaken to the point of no return. My wife got a big breakfast from Macs. I could barely finish half. I am eating apple sauce, cottage cheese, and anything in small amounts to keep my calorie count high. The problem is my body is revolting at food, and as soon as I put food in my mouth I have an allergic reaction where my sinus run as my body is pleading to stop eating.

My weight loss now has caused great imbalance in blood pressure. I was 108 over 60 saturday and we immediately began further reducing my meds. I was a better 120 over 75 as we are cutting some meds in half. We hope to get BP stable by the procedure. I am now going to the bathroom 12 times a day which even in my bad episodes over the last 10 years was never half of that. We are finding new tumors everywhere and it is obvious now that even if the PRRT was successful, it does not cure my cancer.....it simply delays it and the more advanced the cancer at treatment, the less extension of life. You take the pain out of this, and it may be unpleasant, but I am still very happy fighting the fight.

I made my dad milkshakes using Ensure and ice cream.

Sea, if you're "still happy fighting the fight," I say more power to you, keep on keepin' on. Doubtless each day is a major challenge, but I think, with your gutsiness (is that a word?), you can do nine days standing on your head.

Joani's concoction sounds good, if you can tolerate it. Worth a try, you think?

Thanks very much in any event for the update, though I'm sure we all wish you weren't having to go through such a terribly tough time.

Keep in touch...