My PDF Friends: What is your best remedy for a broken heart?

Let's hear all you all's remedies for a broken heart. And let me just make it clear right now that it is not in my nature to sleep around for any reason, even to "get him out of my system," so that's out, right from the get-go.

Pretty please and thank you so much.

XOXO,
Miss Riceme

"My Heart" -Sam Kirby, 2008

Can't help you still broken myself... I have dated well over 20 women since I last saw her and nothing worked.... It's a hunger...

TEOTWAWKI wrote:Can't help you still broken myself... I have dated well over 20 women since I last saw her and nothing worked.... It's a hunger...

Ugh... I am a sappy sucker for that song, and I am not a sappy girl. I should have figured you might post that one, T. It will probably be on "repeat" for hours now. Thanks, brother.

Darlin', it's always just a matter of appreciating yourself. That may be the hardest thing that anyone in this life does. I'm reminded of the signs that used to appear all over Pensacola..."You are beautiful". Just that. Celebrate. I already love you and we have never met.

Floridatexan wrote:Darlin', it's always just a matter of appreciating yourself. That may be the hardest thing that anyone in this life does. I'm reminded of the signs that used to appear all over Pensacola..."You are beautiful". Just that. Celebrate. I already love you and we have never met.

Thank you so much for your kind words, FT. I have never had a problem knowing who I am and seeing my value professionally but on a personal level, it's always been much more difficult for me. I'm glad you mentioned the "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL" signs that used to appear all over Pensacola... I remember them vividly, and whenever I saw them -- regardless of my opinion of graffiti -- it warmed my heart, simply for the intent of the message.

Also, thank you for the love. While we may differ on political issues, we have bonded on issues in private conversations, and I never allow for political differences to get in the way of my friendships.

That being said, I still don't know what to DO. I have never been this heartbroken and devastated since my divorce, which was awful and utterly destroyed me.

_EDIT_: YAY! I LOVE James Taylor... grew up listening to him (with thanks to my mom!). Thanks so much for adding that song.

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I have had lovers since her but it seems all I did was restore them to emotional health . I am pretty good at making women feel special...yeah I know I don't come across that way here. My very last attempt was a couple months ago and it had a lot of romance and promise but just has I committed to it I found out she still had a thing for her former fiancée . I broke it off in one text message. I haven't spoken to her since....people need to watch what they say on facebook.

All that said. I could find someone anytime and have but it's hard at my age to find one that's not broken in some way emotionally , physically, financially, intellectually, socially etc..... and of course I have my own quirks,...

I never, EVER say anything about any of my relationships on Facebook. It is simply not the forum for such dialogue.

I know what you mean... I could find SOMEONE. But I don't want just SOMEONE. There is only one man I want, and I can't have him until January... he is in the midst of a very complicated divorce that has already been in-process for a year now. Right now he needs to concentrate on his #1 Priority: his daughter (and I would have that no other way), trying to keep the home that he designed and built with his own hands, and trying not to lose everything he has worked for in the past 25-years.

We resolved to "just be friends" but that really might be too painful for me. I suggested that maybe we should see other people. He said that he wouldn't but that I should do as I wanted. Clearly I DON'T really want to, but it may help me to not be so lonesome until January. I don't even really know why I proposed that, and worry that I may have subconsciously wanted for him to think that he didn't want me to see other men, and if he didn't get me now he might lose me. Thing is, that isn't how I operate! I say what I mean and mean what I say! Why am I acting like this all of a sudden??

UGH! I hate this. My heart hurts and I'm acting like a crazy person.

riceme wrote:

TEOTWAWKI wrote:I have had lovers since her but it seems all I did was restore them to emotional health . I am pretty good at making women feel special...yeah I know I don't come across that way here. My very last attempt was a couple months ago and it had a lot of romance and promise but just has I committed to it I found out she still had a thing for her former fiancée . I broke it off in one text message. I haven't spoken to her since....people need to watch what they say on facebook.

All that said. I could find someone anytime and have but it's hard at my age to find one that's not broken in some way emotionally , physically, financially, intellectually, socially etc..... and of course I have my own quirks,...

I never, EVER say anything about any of my relationships on Facebook. It is simply not the forum for such dialogue.

I know what you mean... I could find SOMEONE. But I don't want just SOMEONE. There is only one man I want, and I can't have him until January... he is in the midst of a very complicated divorce that has already been in-process for a year now. Right now he needs to concentrate on his #1 Priority: his daughter (and I would have that no other way), trying to keep the home that he designed and built with his own hands, and trying not to lose everything he has worked for in the past 25-years.

We resolved to "just be friends" but that really might be too painful for me. I suggested that maybe we should see other people. He said that he wouldn't but that I should do as I wanted. Clearly I DON'T really want to, but it may help me to not be so lonesome until January. I don't even really know why I proposed that, and worry that I may have subconsciously wanted for him to think that he didn't want me to see other men, and if he didn't get me now he might lose me. Thing is, that isn't how I operate! I say what I mean and mean what I say! Why am I acting like this all of a sudden??

UGH! I hate this. My heart hurts and I'm acting like a crazy person.

Politics be damned. You are a great person. Read Carol King's autobiography. I'm remembering my divorce, many years ago, and how much it hurt...how I felt diminished. And my best advice to you is to listen to your own heart, and don't jump from the frying pan...

My heart hurts and I'm acting like a crazy person.


Went there never left....Sometimes I think I am almost free but then there's so much safety in not being free of her...I am used to that dull ache.. I don't know if I want a whole new chance to hurt intensely again.... all raw and messy.

Floridatexan wrote:

Politics be damned. You are a great person. Read Carol King's autobiography. I'm remembering my divorce, many years ago, and how much it hurt...how I felt diminished. And my best advice to you is to listen to your own heart, and don't jump from the frying pan...

INDEED, politics be damned! Maybe I'll order Carole King's biography from Amazon... otherwise I'd have to drive over an hour in one of two directions. LOL.

I also felt diminished during and after my divorce. It's a terrible feeling. The last thing I want to do is jump from the frying pan into the fire (hence the comment in the first post about me not sleeping around), and I am TRYING to listen to my heart but all it is telling me right now is that it is broken.

It's a crappy situation, and I'm not the only one who's hurting. We both wish things were different.

TEOTWAWKI wrote:My heart hurts and I'm acting like a crazy person.


Went there never left... Sometimes I think I am almost free but then there's so much safety in not being free of her...I am used to that dull ache.. I don't know if I want a whole new chance to hurt intensely again.... all raw and messy.

Oh my god, I hope I stop acting crazy like, tomorrow morning! It's just not in my nature. Aside from my divorce, I have always had a strange ability to "turn it on and turn it off" and very easily control my emotions with relationships. Not so in this case.

I am used to being and living alone. After my divorce I resolved to never again trust another man, and I lived alone for years. I found ways to make it easy for myself... By not letting anyone touch me, ever, for example, because I am normally a very affectionate person, and human contact hurt too much. Then I fell in love with a man who seemed wonderful until we moved back to my home together and the moment he got here he turned into an ugly, abusive monster. A prime example of me being able to simply "turn it off." He was awful to me after we got here, and I simply had no feelings but disgust and contempt for him after that. I never shed a single tear over him. The upside (IS it an upside?) is that I would have never gotten into the relationship that is currently breaking my heart if I'd not gotten into that awful relationship. Hmm... "upside"?? Some upside, huh?

How long has it been, T?

Sorry to hear of your heart pains

Hope you wake up to a new day today with the strength of a warrior goddess.

I would say try and stay busy. Do not let your heart dwell too long in places of such sorrow and darkness. You need to go there because you must feel your pain, its part of you. But I hope you dont let it consume you, you are more than that.

Here's the morning message from Panache:


Just fully be where you are right now. Everything that we experience in life is leading us into a greater expression of who we are ♥


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Rogue wrote:Sorry to hear of your heart pains

Hope you wake up to a new day today with the strength of a warrior goddess.

I would say try and stay busy. Do not let your heart dwell too long in places of such sorrow and darkness. You need to go there because you must feel your pain, its part of you. But I hope you dont let it consume you, you are more than that.

Here's the morning message from Panache:


Just fully be where you are right now. Everything that we experience in life is leading us into a greater expression of who we are

Thanks, Chrissy. That is what I usually do and what I've been doing -- working more than usual (and talking to you all) -- so we are on the same page. I typically bury myself in my work and don't come up out of it for months (or more), which seems like a good idea right about now since I seem to have a little over three months to kill before his divorce is final at the new year.

Only problem with the above method of trying to keep my heartache at bay is that I have been very harshly criticized at work every year at year-end evaluations for not being able to strike an effective "work/life balance," meaning that I am a workaholic and a perfectionist. If I am not physically forced to stop working at some point, I will work myself into the ground and have a seizure or something (have epilepsy, controlled by meds unless I act like a dumbass and don't take care of myself). It could possibly be different this time since I have the luxury of operating the business out of my home. It tends to be much easier for me to grab something to eat (which is #1 in helping me to NOT get seizures while I am under stress) when I'm at home, even while working... I can just wander around the house talking on the phone on my bluetooth thingy, and wander my little tail right into the kitchen!

I appreciate it, dollface, and I love the daily message. XOXO

Ugh... gotta get ready for a breakfast meeting w/our regional mgr and the owner of the business I work for. Upside is that I'll get to have my favorite breakfast:

3 eggs over medium
pile of link sausages
hashbrowns, crispy
sourdough toast, extra extra butter
Tabasco
about a gallon of coffee

I might be small, but I eat like a horse!

Diversion....treat yourself to a shopping spree with a friend. You can always use more shoes. Dinner, lunch, and week-end activities with friends or co-workers. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied.

I wish I could give you advise for a broken heart, I have been committed to another now going on 40 years next thanksgiving when we first dated. I have no understanding of anything but trust and a lifetime partnership. I do however believe in Providence. Sometimes we simply do not have a whole lot to say about our life's journey. We think we can control our lives, but sometimes the best way to address any disappointment is to recognize the limits of what each of us can do.

I owe you honesty. Be as strong and independent as your parents who you have described. Do not define your happiness by another person, but take what is there and build a partnership.....which means for now his choices may not meet your needs. The best partnership is between two strong independent people who can stand on their own.....but sometimes it just does not work....and honestly coming off a divorce.....you are in a difficult position, but I sense that anybody who has bonded with nature you already understand everything I have said......nature is not always fair, but it is beautiful.....and when you simply stop and realize the limits of what you can change....you will find happiness.

rice, I wish I could advise you. My heart has been broken so many time it is now pure gristle. But those times generated some of my best poems. I was introduced to Kahlil Gibran when my first marriage fell apart. She was my first love and what happened seemed impossible at the time. How could this be? I was sick with misery. A lady I knew gave me a copy of "The Prophet"and told me it held all the answers to human emotion.

Selections from the Poetry of Kahlil Gibran - The Prophet

Joy and Sorrow

THEN a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter
rises was oftentimes filled with yourtears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your
being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very
cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes yourspirit,
the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart
and you shall find it is only thatwhich has given
you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping

for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow,"
and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with
you at your board, remember that the other is
asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales
between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at
standstill and balanced.

The mystique of Gibran is not for everyone but I think it may be for you.

Yeah i been whining on these forums for 6 years about this very thing...Those that didn't make fun of me certainly didn't have a clue how to help...good luck Rice.. Bobby Vinton had a song...only love can break a heart only love can mend it again.....I guess I did heal with time but now I think I am snakebit, gunshy, hestitant...etc.

Like SeaOat, I'm no expert in the broken heart category. If the man who has been going through a divorce is worth waiting for, by all means wait... but keep busy, enjoy life to it's fullest, do something nice for somebody, it'll make you feel good.

Here's a sweet song for a sweet lady.

Life is like Music. Hanging on to one note will not produce good music. Only when you let go a pick up the next note will the magic start to happen. The same is with life. When one note plays out be it a lover, wife, a job just look for the next note. Soon you can listen to Music not just a dull tone...........

riceme wrote:Let's hear all you all's remedies for a broken heart. And let me just make it clear right now that it is not in my nature to sleep around for any reason, even to "get him out of my system," so that's out, right from the get-go.

Pretty please and thank you so much.

XOXO,
Miss Riceme

"My Heart" -Sam Kirby, 2008

It is helpful to consider the loss of a true love as one would a death of a loved one. It has the same dynamics of a feeling of loss and sometimes a feeling of being incomplete. It is often helpful to spend time doing menial tasks that give instant rewards and accomplishment such as cleaning house, mowing the yard or even volunteering at a nursing home or animal shelter. I'm sorry to hear of your loss and wish you all good things.

riceme wrote:Let's hear all you all's remedies for a broken heart. And let me just make it clear right now that it is not in my nature to sleep around for any reason, even to "get him out of my system," so that's out, right from the get-go.

Pretty please and thank you so much.

XOXO,
Miss Riceme

"My Heart" -Sam Kirby, 2008

*****SMILE*****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQz3VIzs1ow ?????

Joanimaroni wrote:Diversion....treat yourself to a shopping spree with a friend. You can always use more shoes. Dinner, lunch, and week-end activities with friends or co-workers. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied.

You know me too well, Joani. I just bought myself a new pair of Frye boots.



Good quality boots are always a good investment

I am starting to feel a little better after writing about it and talking w/Az and you all.

Thank you all for being here for me. I don't like to talk about my personal life much, but somehow I feel safe sharing this with you all since we're 2700 miles away and I only know (have met and am friends with) two people here, whom I both trust with my life.

riceme wrote:

Joanimaroni wrote:Diversion....treat yourself to a shopping spree with a friend. You can always use more shoes. Dinner, lunch, and week-end activities with friends or co-workers. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied.

You know me too well, Joani. I just bought myself a new pair of Frye boots.



Good quality boots are always a good investment

I am starting to feel a little better after writing about it and talking w/Az and you all.

Thank you all for being here for me. I don't like to talk about my personal life much, but somehow I feel safe sharing this with you all since we're 2700 miles away and I only know (have met and am friends with) two people here, whom I both trust with my life.

You will be fine!

2seaoat wrote:I wish I could give you advise for a broken heart, I have been committed to another now going on 40 years next thanksgiving when we first dated. I have no understanding of anything but trust and a lifetime partnership. I do however believe in Providence. Sometimes we simply do not have a whole lot to say about our life's journey. We think we can control our lives, but sometimes the best way to address any disappointment is to recognize the limits of what each of us can do.

I owe you honesty. Be as strong and independent as your parents who you have described. Do not define your happiness by another person, but take what is there and build a partnership.....which means for now his choices may not meet your needs. The best partnership is between two strong independent people who can stand on their own.....but sometimes it just does not work....and honestly coming off a divorce.....you are in a difficult position, but I sense that anybody who has bonded with nature you already understand everything I have said......nature is not always fair, but it is beautiful.....and when you simply stop and realize the limits of what you can change....you will find happiness.

SO, while you said that you only wished you could have given me advice to heal my broken heart, you have actually provided me with the best, most intelligent and insightful, on-target advice and commentary anyone has so far. You are very perceptive, SO... it would seem that you know me very well by the things you've said here.

It is so very true that we often have no say in our own life's path, and I had to resolve myself to that fact years ago after a number of awful things happened to me. I chose not to be a victim, or to let those things define my life, but they have very much helped to shape who I am as a person, and honestly I wouldn't change that for the world. I like the person who I am today... I have many flaws, hang-ups, and a whole airport full of baggage, but I am a tough, hardworking, honest, forthright, loving and smart girl. You are right... I cannot control my "friend's" divorce, nor the extremely complicated situation he is in. I certainly don't blame him for it, and he NEEDS to focus on those issues right now in order that the rest of his life doesn't fall apart financially and otherwise. I am hurt, frustrated and angry at the situation, not at him.

I am glad that you reminded me to be strong and independent, as my parents raised us to be, and as they have shown us how to do by example. I will be better for continuing on that path for the next several months, as opposed to lying in my bed crying. Also, while he and I have been friends since we were children, I hadn't seen him for eight years (since I left home for Pensacola), and from the moment we ran into each other, we have been inseparable... Despite both of our best efforts to keep a distance and not become attached to one another, we DID, and our feelings went from zero to sixty in 60-seconds flat. It will be better for us to take a step back and spend time together as close friends, as difficult as it will be. And, while I doubt this will happen, I have certainly been wrong before, but if January comes around and we have found that we no longer wish to be partners, it will be much easier to deal with that realization as friends as opposed to partners.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom, SO. Very, very insightful.

Much love to you, sir.

Yella wrote:rice, I wish I could advise you. My heart has been broken so many time it is now pure gristle. But those times generated some of my best poems. I was introduced to Kahlil Gibran when my first marriage fell apart. She was my first love and what happened seemed impossible at the time. How could this be? I was sick with misery. A lady I knew gave me a copy of "The Prophet"and told me it held all the answers to human emotion.

Selections from the Poetry of Kahlil Gibran - The Prophet

Joy and Sorrow

THEN a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter
rises was oftentimes filled with yourtears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your
being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very
cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes yourspirit,
the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart
and you shall find it is only thatwhich has given
you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth you are weeping

for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow,"
and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with
you at your board, remember that the other is
asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales
between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at
standstill and balanced.

The mystique of Gibran is not for everyone but I think it may be for you.

Good AND interesting choice, yeller. Thank you. I own two copies of _The Prophet_. One is a first addition from which On Marriage was read during my wedding ceremony (below). I keep that one protected, and I read and re-read the other copy.

On Marriage
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

--Kahlil Gibran
_The Prophet_