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Here it is...the best album OF ALL TIME!

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boards of FL

boards of FL

http://www.amazon.com/Songs-Crystal-Cave-Steven-Seagal/dp/B0009SQ520

Here it is...the best album OF ALL TIME! 51FK55PZS1L._SL500_AA240_

That's right. Steven Seagal singing songs from Crystal Cave.

I think one Amazon.com reviewer put it best:

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr.Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,

Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario

TEOTWAWKI

TEOTWAWKI

boards of FL wrote:http://www.amazon.com/Songs-Crystal-Cave-Steven-Seagal/dp/B0009SQ520

Here it is...the best album OF ALL TIME! 51FK55PZS1L._SL500_AA240_

That's right. Steven Seagal singing songs from Crystal Cave.

I think one Amazon.com reviewer put it best:

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr.Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,

Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario


Oh man it's Bob Dylan meets William Shatner. What a great sound. Please don't hurt me Mr. Seagal..

Guest


Guest

TEOTWAWKI wrote:
Oh man it's Bob Dylan meets William Shatner. What a great sound. Please don't hurt me Mr. Seagal..

Don't forget about whathisname*, the Baywatch dude! We mustn't leave him out. He rocks!

Boards that review was too fuckin' funny!



*Hisselhog? Someone help me out here. flower

boards of FL

boards of FL

Lily Blue wrote:
TEOTWAWKI wrote:
Oh man it's Bob Dylan meets William Shatner. What a great sound. Please don't hurt me Mr. Seagal..

Don't forget about whathisname*, the Baywatch dude! We mustn't leave him out. He rocks!

Boards that review was too fuckin' funny!



*Hisselhog? Someone help me out here. flower


http://www.amazon.com/Very-Best-David-Hasselhoff/dp/B00005Q8UG/ref=pd_sim_m_1

Here it is...the best album OF ALL TIME! 41NVASMQ3BL._SL500_AA240_

Another excellent amazon.com review:

Me and my man were cruising for a real romantic night on the town. We had left our 14 children with their grandfather, all though he has also a father to 2 of them...but thats another story. We headed to the local Walmart for our big date in our Chevy.

Had a little problem with opening the door cause Randy had padlocked it shut to keep the Racoons out of the door while it was in the trailer park. When we got to Walmart, Randy took me to the music counter for a big surprise. He had pre ordered a copy of David Hasselhoffs best of album. I was so excited I thought I would pee. Sadly, due to a little problem with Walmarts pre order system, they had forgotten to place it on their list and they had sold all 5 copies they had brought in within 2 months. I was devastated. However, Randy made it up to me by taking me to Dunkin donuts. It was the best night ever! I think I am now pregnant with my 15th child - who I am going to call David in honour of the Master!!! Hot Shot City is our theme song! Go the leather panted David!!

PS:Since I wrote this review I have given birth to a lovely little girl we honour with the name David.

TEOTWAWKI

TEOTWAWKI

boards of FL wrote:
Lily Blue wrote:
TEOTWAWKI wrote:
Oh man it's Bob Dylan meets William Shatner. What a great sound. Please don't hurt me Mr. Seagal..

Don't forget about whathisname*, the Baywatch dude! We mustn't leave him out. He rocks!

Boards that review was too fuckin' funny!



*Hisselhog? Someone help me out here. flower


http://www.amazon.com/Very-Best-David-Hasselhoff/dp/B00005Q8UG/ref=pd_sim_m_1

Here it is...the best album OF ALL TIME! 41NVASMQ3BL._SL500_AA240_

Another excellent amazon.com review:

Me and my man were cruising for a real romantic night on the town. We had left our 14 children with their grandfather, all though he has also a father to 2 of them...but thats another story. We headed to the local Walmart for our big date in our Chevy.

Had a little problem with opening the door cause Randy had padlocked it shut to keep the Racoons out of the door while it was in the trailer park. When we got to Walmart, Randy took me to the music counter for a big surprise. He had pre ordered a copy of David Hasselhoffs best of album. I was so excited I thought I would pee. Sadly, due to a little problem with Walmarts pre order system, they had forgotten to place it on their list and they had sold all 5 copies they had brought in within 2 months. I was devastated. However, Randy made it up to me by taking me to Dunkin donuts. It was the best night ever! I think I am now pregnant with my 15th child - who I am going to call David in honour of the Master!!! Hot Shot City is our theme song! Go the leather panted David!!

PS:Since I wrote this review I have given birth to a lovely little girl we honour with the name David.


LOL big LOL you should write reviews for a living.... Laughing

boards of FL

boards of FL

TEOTWAWKI wrote:LOL big LOL you should write reviews for a living.... Laughing

I did not write either of those reviews. Those are actual reviews from amazon.com. I merely posted them because they are hilarious.

Guest


Guest

Oh no he did't.!!!!!
Who in there right mind would buy it....never mind. pig

catfriedlegs



Oh no, David Hasselhof!!!
I have a little anecdote about ol' Hassy.
I was visiting a friend long time ago. She and her hubby lived in Zurich, Switzerland. She was Swiss. And she loved David Hasselhof. Not his acting. His music. She was sweet enough to play several Hasselhof CDs for me. Bless her little pea pickin' heart.

Mad

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