I think we need a joke thread here at PDF

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

All the jokes you will ever need in one link.

https://sites.google.com/site/barackobamajokes/

The CIA made James Holmes murder those people.

Another famous American converts to Islam ...
It was announced today that Buckwheat,
of Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith
and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
Let's just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer

A California Love Story


A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex ... She spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles ...

Something she just loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

Because ... She Replied ..... "I Really Miss Mine"

Anytime I need a good laugh I just look for a post by floridatexican, salinski, or ZHAGFS whatever - those 3 blind mice are ALWAYS good for a chuckle.

While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

Texas vs NY


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any
cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop
sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License
and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to acomplete stop, that's the
law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you
give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the
ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop, or just slow down?"

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hussein obama has contributed(via eric holder) more guns the the mexican drug cartels than all the other pulitzer prize winners combined.

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back ?....a stick.

There was an Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Who said there's one thing I do know
A woman is fine, and a sheep is devine
But a Lama is numero uno

Slicef18 wrote:There was an Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Who said there's one thing I do know
A woman is fine, and a sheep is devine
But a Lama is numero uno

LOL

You just can't make this shit up. Man's penis stolen while he was sleeping.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/fei-lin-penis_n_1699017.html

Quint Studer/Riskey Studer

[quote="Yomama"]You just can't make this shit up. Man's penis stolen while he was sleeping.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/fei-lin-penis_n_1699017.html[/quote
NEVER Sleep on your back!!!!!!!!!!!

hallmarkgrad wrote:NEVER Sleep on your back!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

(I sleeps on me side already.)

I'd cry too, if I had to take a picture with the Bieb...