I understand exactly. I enjoyed photography and won several awards under local, national and international judging. One of our sons asked me why I didn't go professional. I told him it was because I enjoyed photography too much to make it a job.
I understand. Although I've never won any awards with my fanatical seed-collecting, I love doing it. For about a year, I ran a little in-home business selling seeds online. The big selling point was I only sold seeds from plants I grew in my yard and greenhouse. They were guaranteed, and I never received any complaints or returns.To my detriment, I suppose, I did a brisk business.
When I reached the point at which I was ready to throw all my seeds up in the air and then vacuum'em up and toss'em out, I knew the business had to go. I closed up my online shop that day.
Now I enjoy collecting seeds again.