Hey sweet friend....you just helped pull me out of my own funk. What is this...National Funk Week, or something?
Stormy, I've never had children of my own, so I can't relate to that. However, I do have a step-daughter, so I guess I qualify on that account.
My step-daughter is a beautiful girl. She lived with us for a while when she was attending the Oasis program at Woodham in Pensacola. That was one of the most precious times in my life.
I learned what being home when the child gets home was all about.....I learned about listening with my whole heart. I learned about dreaming about her future instead of mine. I learned about the joy of hunting through my home library for a collection of Poe's stories, and I remember the thrill when she stayed up late one night to read "The Telltale Heart." I remember the thrill when she wanted to discuss Poe and his craft with me the next afternoon after school.
I remember her nightmares, and the hours we spent talking about the meaning of dreams. I remember my heart jumping in joy when my step-daughter, a quiet, introspective girl, would come to me and say, "I had another dream last night....can we talk? Nobody else listens like you do."
I learned about a mother's pain when, one day in mid-winter several years ago, she had to go back to live with her Mom. It was an unexpected, fast and cruel change, and I remember sitting on her bed sobbing for hours. I felt I had lost my focus, my reason for being, if you will. Is that how you feel now?
I learned about a mother's pride when, during her graduation from the Oasis program at Woodham, she was given an award for writing one of the best creative essays in the state on some state exam (I don't know the particulars of the exam.)
My beautiful, gifted girl did not take my dreams for her as her own. She never graduated high school, although she did get her GED. She has made no attempt to get into college, but does manual labor instead. She cut her gorgeous hair, bleached it, got a tattoo and then lip rings. I rarely see her anymore. She had what seemed to be a good boyfriend - she actually called and wanted us to meet him, so we took them to dinner - but she dumped him the day after the dinner.
Who knows why children do what they do, Stormy? Although it has been difficult, I had to let her go. She has to find her own way now, but she knows I am here. If she calls, she knows I will answer. She knows a listener (dream whisperer?) is only a few miles away. I can tell you that is the last time I will rave about what a great boyfriend she has, though.
That's my brief tale about motherhood, which is something I didn't think I would ever experience. I have no words of wisdom for you, only commiseration.
Chrissy said it best.....miracles do happen, especially when we let go of the problem. It's the letting go and letting be that is so hard!
Home
