http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/06/04/1304276/-Jon-Stewart-covers-the-right-wing-reaction-to-Bowe-Bergdahl
Last night, Jon Stewart looked at the quickly changing reaction to the news about getting POW Bowe Bergdahl back from the Taliban.
BRIAN KILMEADE (6/3/2014): He says he was growing his beard because his son was in captivity. Well, your son's out now. So if you really don't want to no longer look like a member of the Taliban, you don't have to look like a member of the Taliban. Are you out of razors?
(audience groans in disgust)
Well, that got ugly pretty fast! First of all, who the fuck are you to judge what a guy does if he thinks it might help him get his son back? And I don't want to complicate your hatred of facial hair there, friend, but my guess is if you gave Bob Bergdahl a bandana and a duck, you'd like him just fucking fine!
Very big story broke concerning our now-teenaged war in Afghanistan. And obviously, the teenage years are tough for everybody, especially wars. Let's see what happened.
5/31/2014:
DANA BASH: Breaking news, a good news story, U.S. Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, who has been in captivity in Afghanistan for about five years was released by the Taliban.
MAJ. GEN. JAMES "SPIDER" MARKS: Across the board, this is a magnificent, wonderful story.
Yes!!! This sounds like the perfect time for our brand new segment, A Magnificent Wonderful Story!
You know, it's so rare. This is why this is so amazing. It is so rare that America gets a story like this — magnificent and wonderful. So if it's OK with everybody here, I think we should ride this patriot train to Fuck Yeah Junction.
JAKE TAPPER (5/31/2014): Everybody is rejoicing that he is safe, and that he will get to go back to his loving parents in Idaho. But it is a complicated case.
Complicated?! It's a magnificent and wonderful story! What's complicated about "America rules!"? We got our last POW back. Did you not see the blue bird? (bird chirps) I got this, Phil. Complicated how?
6/2/2014:
RICHARD ENGEL: The Obama administration is standing by its decision to release five senior Taliban members from Guantanamo Bay in a prisoner exchange for Bergdahl.
DICK CHENEY: They have in fact negotiated with terrorists, and I don't think they got a very good deal.
Wow, I don't know which of those pictures was scarier. Wait, what are you talking about?! We always negotiate with terrorists! Saying, "we don't negotiate with terrorists" is our opening negotiation bid. (audience laughter)
"We are not negotiating with you, terrorists. And your response is....?"
That's pathetic. The argument against this swap is a cliché. You wouldn't catch the administration countering with a cliché.
JAY CARNEY (6/2/2014): The United States does not our men and women in uniform behind.
Touché, cliché.
All right, y'all want to have a cliché-off, let's do this, bro!
REP. JASON CHAFFETZ, R-UT (6/3/2014): We do not negotiate with terrorists.
REP. JOHN GARAMENDI, D-CA (6/2/2014): We leave no one behind.
MICHAEL STEELE (6/3/2014): You do not negotiate with terrorists.
GOLDIE TAYLOR (6/2/2014): We leave no one behind.
DEAN STOCKWELL: The United States does not negotiate with terrorists.
SOLDIER: You never leave a man behind!
LES GROSSMAN: We don't negotiate with terrorists.
TOY SOLDIER: A good soldier never leaves a man behind!
(audience laughter and applause)
The only way to really end a cliché-off, is to agree to disagree.
All right. A magnificent, complicated wonderful story...
So how did this happen? How did a simple clear-cut story of American heroism in a war get complicated? Oh right. It's a war. That's weird. I mean, three days ago this was going to be a great fucking moment. And now, I couldn't sell this thing to Lifetime with Alyssa Milano's dick! (audience laughter) It's been three days! Remember??
DANA BASH: Breaking news, a good news story.
MAJ. GEN. JAMES "SPIDER" MARKS: This is a magnificent, wonderful story.
ANA NAVARRO: We negotiated with terrorists.
GERRI WILLIS: The Taliban Dream Team
RET. NAVY SEAL CMDR. DAN O'SHEA: Odds are, one or two out of these five are going to get back in the fight.
ANDERSON COOPER: Did President Obama break the law?
REP. BUCK McKEON, R-CA: Yes.
CBS THIS MORNING: Headlines like "Bowe Bergdahl Is Not a Hero".
RONAN FARROW: He said, "I am ashamed to even be American."
ANNA KOOIMAN: Brand new evidence that he might have been helping the enemy.
STEVE DOOCY: Ugh.