Do you have friends or family who have participated in a same sex adoption?

As many states are changing their marriage laws and are allowing same sex couples to marry, often those individuals have children which they bring into the marriage. Many are adopting each others children.

I think it is great for people who are in love and committed to each other to have an opportunity to find security in marriage, but I have observed some apprehension by the children. We all want to be raised by our natural parents. We all have curiosity of who we are genetically and what our history is........as we have seen on this forum people are investigating their relatives.

How does a child in these new marriages who is being adopted and having parental rights terminated in a biological parent feel? I would suggest that it may take a couple of generations to better understand what we have put into motion, and I hope the children will find happiness in their lives, but I suspect that too much emphasis is on the happiness of the marriage partners and not enough thought has been given to the children.

Healthy, loving, and safe home is what a child needs. Nothing else matters.

oat, can you clarify exactly what it is you're trying to say. my oat translation is a little off this morning.

Spit it out.

I think whoever you are gay or straight you should not enter into adoptions lightly. This is about the kid not the relationship. If the relationship breaks up that's still your kid, if you adopted them. No exceptions.

I think seaoat had other intentions when posting this thread.

It will be very difficult for him to come now and admit it. He did a fair job of hiding his true intentions but you can still see it in his rambles.

I for one call him out on this topic.

Without getting specific, I will say it involves two women who had sperm donors. They have now married and each wants to adopt the others child. In order to do this the sperm donor's parental rights need to be terminated and the adoption file is sealed. My concern is this trend is going to become more common and children are going to be raised without knowledge of their birth parent, their family history, and genetic predispositions. I recently looked into a nine year olds eyes as she was asking questions as her parents in my presence were talking about adopting each others child. Also, with the posting of forum members searching for family tree information, it has bothered me for about two weeks thinking about if marriage is going to become simply an anonymous sperm donor as a natural father and those parental rights being terminated and children not having the knowledge many of us take for granted..........no big agenda here, just one nine year olds questions and the implications for the next couple generations. I do not think this is as simple and seamless as some people have suggested. Sometimes you need to look at this as a child.

2seaoat wrote:Without getting specific, I will say it involves two women who had sperm donors.  They have now married and each wants to adopt the others child.  In order to do this the sperm donor's parental rights need to be terminated and the adoption file is sealed.  My concern is this trend is going to become more common and children are going to be raised without knowledge of their birth parent, their family history, and genetic predispositions.   I recently looked into a nine year olds eyes as she was asking questions as her parents in my presence were talking about adopting each others child.  Also, with the posting of forum members searching for family tree information, it has bothered me for about two weeks thinking about if marriage is going to become simply an anonymous sperm donor as a natural father and those parental rights being terminated and children not having the knowledge many of us take for granted..........no big agenda here, just one nine year olds questions and the implications for the next couple generations.  I do not think this is as simple and seamless as some people have suggested.  Sometimes you need to look at this as a child.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

You are now concerned that children are gong to be raised without knowledge of their birth parent from sperm donors? REALLY?

Are you aware that there are sperm banks? Is this what you are bitching about sperm banks?

Are you aware that adoptions are taking pace all over the country and the birth parents are not revealed? Or is it just to gay people adopting you have issue with?

My concern in this question is that both birth mothers asked coworkers for a sperm donation. They are now in the process of seeking those sperm donors from quite a few years ago so that their spouse can adopt each others child, and these fathers are somebody that this child wanted to know more about.

I understand that in traditional marriage sperm donors have existed. This is the exception rather than the rule. In a non traditional marriage the rule will be children are going to be blocked in most cases from knowing their birth father and his family. When you hear a child asking specific questions, you begin to think. Please do not get me wrong. I strongly favor same sex loving couples to have the opportunity to be together in marriage and raise children, but I wish there was a better way for a child to know of their natural father. I do not have an answer and until two weeks ago I was simply gung ho on same sex marriage, and had not given this issue much thought.

2seaoat wrote:My concern in this question is that both birth mothers asked coworkers for a sperm donation.  They are now in the process of seeking those sperm donors from quite a few years ago so that their spouse can adopt each others child, and these fathers are somebody that this child wanted to know more about.  

I understand that in traditional marriage sperm donors have existed.  This is the exception rather than the rule.   In a non traditional marriage the rule will be children are going to be blocked in most cases from knowing their birth father and his family.   When you hear a child asking specific questions, you begin to think.  Please do not get me wrong.   I strongly favor same sex loving couples to have the opportunity to be together in marriage and raise children, but I wish there was a better way for a child to know of their natural father.   I do not have an answer and until two weeks ago I was simply gung ho on same sex marriage, and had not given this issue much thought.

So you are for blocking sperm donor knowledge in traditional marriage but not for non traditional marriage. I see.

BTW. it takes more than a sperm to be a FATHER.

I should know. I am adopted.   

You said you were brought up dirt poor. How does one adopt a child and be poor?

Dreamsglore wrote:You said you were brought up dirt poor. How does one adopt a child and be poor?

OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

You think poor people cant adopt children in 1965?

How funny is that.

oh wait, you think poor people cant adopt children now LOLLOLOLOLL

hilarious!!

youre a hoot dreams

No, not normally. You have to be financially able to care for the child.

Dreamsglore wrote:No, not normally. You have to be financially able to care for the child.

I guess in 1965 with the parents agreeing to give me to my current parents your laws didn't apply then. Thankfully. that damn doctor family tried to steal me. actually the doctor took me home for a day and all hell broke loose.

Point being, I am adopted into my family. Gladly so btw, growing up poor or not. I was given a gift to be put with my current family.

But I was not given rights to know who my donors were. I only found out because a crazy aunt told me. Wish she had not.

back to the topic

why does seaoat care more about gay couples children finding out who they came from than traditional marriage couples. I see a little bit of bigotry

Forget about sexual orientation, and tell me about if you were curious about who came before you.....parents....grandparents, and did you have your questions answered? I think we all want to know more about who were the people so many years ago who were responsible for us coming into this world. It really is not about sexual preference, but the reality there will be more children who will be cut off from their heritage. My father died when I was 10, and only now am I connecting with some of my cousins from his side. I do not know if you had curiosity, but I sure did, and that young girl asking questions desperately wanted to know about her father. As we transition into new realities, I hope that children can keep in touch with their heritage.

Sorry, Seaoat, but sometimes it's better not to know. That may sound harsh until you consider what happened to a couple of my friends who located a birth parent and were rejected by that person...again.

2seaoat wrote:Forget about sexual orientation, and tell me about if you were curious about who came before you.....parents....grandparents, and did you have your questions answered?   I think we all want to know more about who were the people so many years ago who were responsible for us coming into this world.  It really is not about sexual preference, but the reality there will be more children who will be cut off from their heritage.  My father died when I was 10, and only now am I connecting with some of my cousins from his side.  I do not know if you had curiosity, but I sure did, and that young girl asking questions desperately wanted to know about her father.    As we transition into new realities, I hope that children can keep in touch with their heritage.

You know oat, I have shared certain things about myself here and to only have them later used against me. I'll tell you how strong I am as a person by trying to give you insight from the perspective of someone who was adopted. Not because I enjoy giving you what you ask for, but because I am a honest person.

I just jumped in the pool to cool off so get ready.   

I was raised by heterosexuals. A very good providing father who worked hard. wasn't rich. We were by all standards very poor. He married my mother who had already 5 children. It was his first marriage after getting out of prison for selling guns to cuba. She had been married before. Just a little info to set you into the mood.

He couldn't have children of his own

He is a great man. So smart and you wouldn't believe the people he knows and has known. He has the heart of a lion. And there are many secrets I can not tell you about my adoptive father. Joanie has met him btw His name is Carlos.

I'm proud of him. He IS my dad. But he is also my uncle by marriage.

See, I didn't know that until his mother died.

Let me back up.

I only found out I was adopted because a aunt told me out of anger one day.

Then at the age of 16 I went in search. I was not impressed by much of what I found.

Heres what I found.

I found that my real donors to my life were two things.

one, my blood mother was a very ill woman by the time I met her. She didn't speak much.

My blood father however was still married to her and let me tell you about his life.

He was a soldier who got my blood mother pregnant and he as married to another woman at the time. He got her pregnant and never knew it because he was over seas at war. So she gave me away to his half brother.

My blood father was very upset about it and when he came back to the states he was distraught. And dedicated his life to working at a shelter for adoptive children in GA for over 20 years.

My blood father was a highly decorated person in the military. he tried to impress me with all his medals and letters from the president.

My blood mother was direct descendant from crow indian nation. her brother showed me some pics when I made the journey to seek them out.

and let me tell you. as fast as I made the journey to seek them out in trying to know where I came from is not as fast as I tried to get the hell out of their life.

I wish I was never told about being adopted. It made my sisters very upset and is always a source of a feeling of not really belonging for me.

so lets go to your next fear. the source of not really ever belonging when you don't know where you came from.

which is what you appear to say when you speak about gay peoples children.

I understand that. I also understand now as a adult that if you truly believe in diversity as you say you do, it doesn't matter where you came from. It only matters where you are going.

you can not possibly think that heritage is important unless you are a bigot.

Who you are NOW is whats important.

not where you came from.

Gay people can raise children with love just like anyone else. And im sure it comes with no more baggage than a hetero relationship.

And as far as me and where I came from. I came from loving parents who just happened to be one of them was a gangster and the other a saint.

Maybe that makes me complex. but then again, maybe that makes me the real deal diverse person.

form your own opinion... but life happens. And all people have secrets.

If I was you, I wouldn't worry about children not knowing where they came from. You should worry more about where they think they are going.

I have told the story in my family where my wife was five years old when she was taken to the courthouse with her brothers and something happened. She did not know what had happened until she was a senior in high school. Well, she was blown away to find out her brothers were half brothers who shared a different father, yet they had her last name because her father adopted them when she was five.

The sad part was that her oldest brother made contact with his natural father, but after about six months the natural father wanted no more contact. The really sad part is her other brother was a superintendant of schools and had a great career, but he never made the attempt to contact his father. Well, his natural father died before he made an attempt, and then my wife's mother passed three years ago, and since her middle brother who has great wealth, a great wife, and great kids, seems to be in a deep depression.

So you are right it is not just a matter of sexual orientation in finding out who we are and who are parents are......it is the human condition. My only observation after hearing the child ask questions, was that we will be creating more children who have these feelings of loss, which even though a highly successful career and family.....this void never is filled. Just my observations.

2seaoat wrote:I have told the story in my family where my wife was five years old when she was taken to the courthouse with her brothers and something happened.  She did not know what had happened until she was a senior in high school.  Well, she was blown away to find out her brothers were half brothers who shared a different father, yet they had her last name because her father adopted them when she was five.

The sad part was that her oldest brother made contact with his natural father, but after about six months the natural father wanted no more contact.  The really sad part is her other brother was a superintendant of schools and had a great career, but he never made the attempt to contact his father.   Well, his natural father died before he made an attempt, and then my wife's mother passed three years ago, and since her middle brother who has great wealth, a great wife, and great kids, seems to be in a deep depression.

So you are right it is not just a matter of sexual orientation in finding out who we are and who are parents are......it is the human condition.  My only observation after hearing the child ask questions, was that we will be creating more children who have these feelings of loss, which even though a highly successful career and family.....this void never is filled.   Just my observations.

You mean you fear creating more children who do not associate with a heritage?

You know like, IM NORDIC, IM INDIAN, IM BLACK, IM WHITE etc

I get it more than you know.

But we don't live in that world seaoat.

we live in the world you most often defend (but don't fully understand).You know The one where it doesn't matter where you come from and only matters where your going. Content of character. etc etc etcetera


Honesty is never easy, but then again, greatness isn't either. C

All I have been saying is for the adults all this seems to make sense. For a nine year old kid.......well this is tough, and after watching my brother in law, I do not think it gets any easier with age. So if kids are being produced and one half of their heritage disappears.......there is a void.

2seaoat wrote:All I have been saying is for the adults all this seems to make sense.   For a nine year old kid.......well this is tough, and after watching my brother in law, I do not think it gets any easier with age.   So if kids are being produced and one half of their heritage disappears.......there is a void.

oat,

life and living it brings voiDs for EVERYONE

Life is not easy

No one survives it

Ti wrote:

2seaoat wrote:I have told the story in my family where my wife was five years old when she was taken to the courthouse with her brothers and something happened.  She did not know what had happened until she was a senior in high school.  Well, she was blown away to find out her brothers were half brothers who shared a different father, yet they had her last name because her father adopted them when she was five.

The sad part was that her oldest brother made contact with his natural father, but after about six months the natural father wanted no more contact.  The really sad part is her other brother was a superintendant of schools and had a great career, but he never made the attempt to contact his father.   Well, his natural father died before he made an attempt, and then my wife's mother passed three years ago, and since her middle brother who has great wealth, a great wife, and great kids, seems to be in a deep depression.

So you are right it is not just a matter of sexual orientation in finding out who we are and who are parents are......it is the human condition.  My only observation after hearing the child ask questions, was that we will be creating more children who have these feelings of loss, which even though a highly successful career and family.....this void never is filled.   Just my observations.

You mean you fear creating more children who do not associate with a heritage?

You know like, IM NORDIC, IM INDIAN, IM BLACK, IM WHITE etc

I get it more than you know.

But we don't live in that world seaoat.

we live in the world you most often defend (but don't fully understand).You know The one where it doesn't matter where you come from and only matters where your going. Content of character. etc etc etcetera


Honesty is never easy, but then again, greatness isn't either. C

Whoever raised you failed miserably. That's for sure!

Dreamsglore wrote:

Ti wrote:

2seaoat wrote:I have told the story in my family where my wife was five years old when she was taken to the courthouse with her brothers and something happened.  She did not know what had happened until she was a senior in high school.  Well, she was blown away to find out her brothers were half brothers who shared a different father, yet they had her last name because her father adopted them when she was five.

The sad part was that her oldest brother made contact with his natural father, but after about six months the natural father wanted no more contact.  The really sad part is her other brother was a superintendant of schools and had a great career, but he never made the attempt to contact his father.   Well, his natural father died before he made an attempt, and then my wife's mother passed three years ago, and since her middle brother who has great wealth, a great wife, and great kids, seems to be in a deep depression.

So you are right it is not just a matter of sexual orientation in finding out who we are and who are parents are......it is the human condition.  My only observation after hearing the child ask questions, was that we will be creating more children who have these feelings of loss, which even though a highly successful career and family.....this void never is filled.   Just my observations.

You mean you fear creating more children who do not associate with a heritage?

You know like, IM NORDIC, IM INDIAN, IM BLACK, IM WHITE etc

I get it more than you know.

But we don't live in that world seaoat.

we live in the world you most often defend (but don't fully understand).You know The one where it doesn't matter where you come from and only matters where your going. Content of character. etc etc etcetera


Honesty is never easy, but then again, greatness isn't either. C

Whoever raised you failed miserably. That's for sure!

I and many others disagree. I think who ever raised you to tell others things like you do has FAILED

Be blessed, but better yet, reap what you have sown  

I haven't sown anything. I am as you say just being "honest." There was a major fail in your upbringing and the others who agree w/ you are just as sad.

Dreamsglore wrote:I haven't sown anything. I am as you say just being "honest." There was a major fail in your upbringing and the others who agree w/ you are just as sad.

kinda hard to be honest about someone you really don't know huh

But its ok for you to call my parents failures WHY?