This is a tale of greed I thought up last year.
Greed - The Eye
It was a blistering hot morning in Pensacola by 11:00 A.M. when Wayne Jefferson walked into New York Nick’s Bar on Palafox Street. He was dressed in a nice suit and a conservative necktie. He was a slender, nice looking man who was obviously hot. The bartender was polishing glasses in preparation for the lunch crowd that would soon be drifting into the bar.
“It’s hot as hell out there already,” said Wayne, “My name is Wayne Jefferson and I’d like an icy cold dry martini. Can you mix up a good one?”
“The best, my friend, I’m Bobby, and a martini is my favorite. I like Gray Goose, very dry. Sound good to you?”
Wayne and Bobby chatted as Bobby did his thing, they talked about the weather, baseball, women and the like, a typical conversation.
“Bobby, I don’t want to gross you out here this morning so I’ll tell you in advance that I’m going to remove my artificial eye so I can clean it. I got some dust in there and it is uncomfortable. Could I get you to give me glass of warm water to rinse it off after you get my drink made?”
Bobby set the Martini on a white napkin in front of Wayne.
“Try a taste of that beauty. I call it a Silver Bullet and now one glass of warm water coming up. I had an uncle who lost an eye in the Korean War; he had a lot of trouble with it. I didn’t even notice yours; I guess the technology has greatly improved in sixty years.”
“No doubt, Bobby, now days the doctor measures your socket and has the eye made to fit exactly, in fact, it tracks right along with the real one, They are expensive but as a salesman I can’t have people distracted by a eye like a dead fish.”
Wayne bent forward and sort of popped the eye out much like people will remove a contact lens. He misjudged in some way and dropped the eye, which rolled across the bar and to the floor.
“Oh, good Lord! I hope it didn’t get scratched, a scratch will ruin it for sure.”
“Don’t worry, man. I’ll help you find it, it’s here someplace.”
They both searched the floors and couldn’t find it. Both were crawling around on their hands and knees looking for the elusive object. It just plain disappeared.
“Dude, you said artificial eyes are expensive. How much did it cost you?
“Well, my health insurance covers one-half but including the doctor I paid three thousand dollars for it. I sure as hell don’t need the expense of a new one. Tell you what, I’ll gladly pay a one thousand dollar reward for its return unless it is scratched up and ruined. Maybe one of your cleaning people or a customer will find it. Bobby, you got a piece of paper?”
Bobby handed Wayne the sheet of paper and Wayne began printing a note to the effect that he would give a one thousand dollar reward for the eye and signed his name and left his cellphone number.
“Show this around. Maybe someone will take an interest. I’ve got a black eye patch in my hotel room. I’ll wear it until my eye is found and I know it will be found.”
After Wayne Jefferson left, Bobby searched and searched after the lunch people left. He had showed the note to his customers but most people just looked around a little and ate, they had to be back to work and didn’t have the time. He left word for the cleanup crew to be very attentive as they swept up and to watch for the eye. He didn’t mention the reward knowing his people would be happy to return it to the owner.
The next afternoon a guy came in and sat down, grinned, and asked for the coldest bottle of Bud on earth.
“I’m Chuck Osborn and have never been to Pensacola, it seems like a nice town.”
“Yes, Sir, every day is another day in Paradise is what we say. Here you go, Bub, I just happened to get in a load of the coldest beers on earth.”
Bobby waited on other customers and when the man was ready for another, he signaled Bobby to bring one over.
“Man, look what I just found wedged under the carpet where it butts up against the bar. I dropped my cigarette lighter and when I bent over to get it I saw the white of the eye and just a part of the iris kind of sticking out a little. I think it’s a glass eye. I wonder how long that thing has been lying there?”
“That little rascal has only been there since yesterday afternoon. Then he related what had happened the day before with one exception. He told the guy the reward was only for five hundred instead of one thousand.
“If you want to I’ll be happy to give you the five hundred and when I call the guy he will reimburse me and we’ll all be happy. I like satisfied customers. What about that for a deal?”
“Are you sure? You said you never saw the guy before, do you trust him?”
“Sure thing, pal, I’m a bartender, I got a talent for knowing people. This guy is for real.”
It was a deal. Bobby opened the safe and took out five hundreds and gave them to the man.
“I’ll come in again tomorrow for another bottle of the coldest Bud in town,” he said as he left the bar.
Bobby watched the man walk out and head down the street. In this day and age a man has to be on the lookout for any way to make a buck he thought to himself as he looked at the phone number on the piece of paper the one-eyed man gave him yesterday. And I just made five hundred bucks! Yes! He called the number on the sheet but got an immediate disconnect. He tried again later and it was the same.
The next morning Wayne and Chuck were headed for Mobile, Alabama.
“You know, Chuck, this is one of the best scams we’ve ever pulled off. People just can’t resist some easy money, can they? We hit eight bars and four of the bartenders were typically avaricious, wanting something for nothing. Beaten by their own greed.”
“Yep, whoever would have thought that that box of defective artificial eyes you found in a flea market would bring us two thousand dollars in one day?”
‘Well, I did give a hundred bucks for twenty-four of the damn things, but if it goes like this every day we’re looking at
twelve thousand, a nice return, wouldn’t you say? I lost my eye ten years ago and am finally getting some return.”
The end 2012
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