Easter confrontation

We have always been invited to our neighbor's Easter brunch. Last year I had a run in with their 20 year old grandson who came to my house high ringing the doorbell at 1:30 am. He woke up my grandsons who were visiting and he was peeking in our window. I came out and asked him what the hell is he doing on our porch(last year I asked him NOT to come into the porch and peak in the window, but to use the doorbell). I told him to get the F out of here, he just woke everybody up, and his response was "really" in a sarcastic and challenging way, I then moved at him wanting to get my hands on him while telling him to get the F out of there, and again another sarcastic "really" as he made a wise and brisk retreat to a waiting car in his grandmother's driveway.

My wife told his friend he had brought at a party at his grandmothers a week later that both of them cannot fish on the islands until after labor day, and only after he spoke with me. The little bastard was sneaking his friends onto the islands and fished while we were in Florida without permission, and the moron without checking to see if both cars were here, brought two of his friends into the islands and all three were fishing when my wife came up on this stranger and asked......What the hell are you doing on my property? The Kid answers, oh its ok, I am with Dylan. My wife answers.....No it is not ok and you need to leave. She finds Dylan and the other kid and tells them they have to leave. One of the strange kids goes.....ok, but we will fish from the causeway.....my wife says NO, you will leave our property. She then turns to Dylan and asks did you get permission to fish from Seaoat? He hesitates and is about to lie, and then realizes he is F'd, puts his head down and says NO.

Now the little bastard the day before the Easter celebration calls his grandmother to ask her to ask us if this bum who lives off his mother at 20 and has only worked one job his entire life for six weeks before he was let go while they live in poverty can go fishing. My wife just went down to inform them that Dylan will not get to fish on the property until after July 4th weekend. The further banning is based once again on a false sense of entitlement that this person can do whatever he wants and everybody around him will enable him. He will write two apology letters as a prerequisite, and my wife is letting the grandmother know that I am about to kick his asz and that he is at risk.

Wife just said grandma was extremely uncomfortable and was not happy with us, but he will NOT come back until after July 4th and after he has written apologies.

Maybe he'll reflect on this down the road... but it'll most likely be in prison. My guess would be burglary.

Maybe he'll reflect on this down the road... but it'll most likely be in prison. My guess would be burglary.


My biggest fear is staying out of jail. I am incredibly weak right now, but when I get angry it is not pretty. I have been real lucky staying out of jail putting my hands on other people over the years, but in my weakened state, I might hurt his kid who is good size and I would probably F him up rather than wrestling or boxing where I would be exhausted in thirty seconds. My wife is talking to the step grandfather who we are very good friends, and who also for the last 12 years has wanted to discipline this kid, but the grandmother enables because her only child died of cancer and this is her only descendant. My wife hugged her afterwards and said she is sorry Dylan brought her into this, but we will not enable him further. We will not be going next door for Easter Brunch which has been a nice tradition for the last ten years, but if this kid is going to stay out of jail, and if I am going to stay out of jail, we will deal with his insolence face to face. I hate cowards. I hate bullies. He has bullied his grandmother, step grandfather, mother, and his biological grandfather since he returned from Arizona. He also knows I am capable of hurting people, so we will see how this plays out. I will miss the devil eggs and the wonderful conversation, but there are bigger principles here.

Grandma has really screwed that  kid up.

Grandma has really screwed that kid up.


It takes a whole family to screw a kid up. I started when she got pregnant and had Chuck in high school with the biological grandfather who is a good guy and worked as an engineer for the Illinois Department of Transportation, but they got divorced when their only son Chuck was about 15. Chuck was a total loser. He of course went into the military because he had no grades or work ethic. He actually got an honorable discharge, and married Dylan's mother when he was about 25. They got a divorce, he did not pay child support, because he did not work, and lived off mom(grandma). He would drink a case of beer a day. He would go down to the river and fish, and he had a golf cart and his grandfather lived on the other side of town and he would drive over there and drink beer.

Well at about 5 his mother gives him back to Chuck who was not paying child support, and Dylan moved into the Grandmother's, step grandfather who owned the house and business next to the residence, and chuck the drunk role model. Well about at 12 Chuck get pancreatic cancer. Only after he filed a workman comp claim at tractor supply, a job he had less than three months, and he was awarded a settlement which after he died of pancreatic cancer it was clear the pain was real, but it had NOTHING to do with an injury at work. Chuck dies, and suddenly Dylan gets a SS check, so mom comes back into his life to get the check, and they move to Arizona. Dylan gets kicked out of school. Gets arrested for stealing his sister's laptop, and we suspect he gets into meth. His mother's boyfriend was an undocumented Mexican who fathered his half sister who is a beautiful 9 year old now and a straight A student, but the father of his sister and his mom's boyfriend suddenly dies, and they move back to Illinois from Arizona. Everybody in the family helps, except an 18 year old grown man who leaches off his mother, grandmother, and grandfather. Two years of lying about getting his GED, two years lying about no jobs where there are twenty he could do within walking distance of his home, and everybody enabling this kid.

My wife and I tried to help him before he left for Arizona. We would sit and talk with him for hours. I tried to show him how to make a web site and I posted Dylan's fishing guide page, and he would have me post his catches each day, but just like his father who was dying at this time, he did no chores, he did nothing to help his grandmother, and he smarted off to his grandmother in front of me. It took all I could do not to pick him up by his collar and hold him off the ground and tell him that if he every spoke to his grandmother like that in my presence, I was going to kick his asz, but my wife said NO. She was wrong. The Step grandfather agrees with me. My dad died when I was 10. I was working at 14. I never talked to my grandmother or mother, or in this case to the step grandfather like this kid did.....yet there I was enabling his bad behavior. No it took a family to screw this kid up. He is a low IQ kid who loves his guns and fishing, and yes.......he and his idiot friends loved trump because he was going to kick all the Mexicans out of America, and his sister is half Mexican. I wish I had done the wrong thing 8 years ago......I might have straightened up this kid, and I will not cave by pressure from grandma.....when this is done he will apologize for lying to his grandmother.

The entitled generation. Not all of them, but it's common.

The entitled generation. Not all of them, but it's common.


A deeply damaged kid who is now a man. His family is enabling his lies and his character. You do not help a kid like this by playing his little game of lies and manipulation. He would tell his grandmother that he did not feel well, and she would leave her work and drive him home from school. When she returned after work, he would tell her he felt better and would go out and play. He missed so much school that they had truancy meetings, yet how do you blame the kid when he could so easily manipulate.

The worst part is that my wife just talked to the step grandfather and said he overheard conversation after my wife kicked Dylan out and his two friends in the kitchen where the grandmother said to my wife she really did not know anything about them sneaking into the property without permission. This kid once again knowing Easter was coming up thought he would leverage our relationship with the family to get what he wants......I coached kids, I raised two kids who never thought I was their buddy, and now appreciate in adulthood that I was a father first. This kid needed somebody in his life who took control of his bad behavior early. However, everybody feeling sorry for this kid.....what a joke. You do not fix him by enabling bad behavior.

Too many stories like this...

Too many stories like this...

Every family in America has some variation on this story. We can blame the schools. We can blame poverty. We can blame death and bad breaks, but in the end, character is built by good parenting and a community which will not tolerate this behavior. When I was a kid, and I was out of line, they did not hesitate to correct me, and the best part if I would go whine about a neighbor who had corrected me......the neighbor always got the presumption....even if sometimes they were not right. Kids knew the routine. We would be held responsible for our actions. I simply have no tolerance for liars. The sad thing is the mistakes just keep happening. I used to tell my kids when they were going to try to twist something where I or their mother had put our foot down.....is to stop digging. We all have been in holes in our lives. You need to stop digging and get out of the hole. The kid told his grandmother that he did exactly what I told him to do.

Well let me ask what most of you would do. I sleep in a lazy boy. I sleep with the TV on. My wife put the grandchildren to bed around 9:30 that night and I was already asleep in my chair. She went to bed at midnight. We were awakened by two door bell rings at 1:30 AM and as I am trying to put my pants on, I see a grown man looking through the window.

Now a week before this kid comes into our porch and looks in the window at about 9pm. I am really piszed and about to take somebody's head off when I see it is Dylan. I bite my tongue, and explain: I do not want you in this porch again. I do not want you looking in that window again. I do not want you knocking on the front door again. I told him we have a door bell on the porch, and all he has to do is ring the same to ask for permission to fish.

He has now told his grandmother that on the night at 1:30 AM he did exactly what I said, and besides......he says Seaoat was awake. Think about this. A twenty year old man only a week prior you told not to come into your porch, and to not peek in the window again......does exactly what he was told not to do, and then in his lies tries to convince his grandmother that I was awake anyway. Would you invite this kid to come back on your porch, climb up on an elevated portion and peek at where I was sleeping, and approve of that behavior. Yet, my wife was the bad guy because she asked him to leave after telling him we expect an apology. His response.......I did nothing wrong grandma.....I did exactly what seaoat told me to do. You can see the vicious cycle this kid creates......but guess what.....we have the best fishing in Northern Illinois, and he just chit on his plate grabbed a shovel and keeps on digging. This does not end well for him, and my wife warned the step grandfather that with my high hormone levels Dylan is at risk. He is. He will tell the truth. Give a written apology for the first incident where he now is lying. He will give a second apology for entering the property and bringing two strangers without permission when both of us were home. The third apology will be the one which might actually help him. He will apologize to his grandmother for lying and will write exactly what I told him not to do. We expect the biological grandfather, some aunts, and maybe Dylan and grandmother to come over some time Easter to try to give cover to his behavior......the best part is Mrs. Seaoat was a damn good teacher and mother, and she is actually tougher than Seaoat......they will find out that the enabling will have to stop.

1:30 am.....unacceptable. No excuses.

1:30 am.....unacceptable. No excuses.


You would think so, but an aunt last summer tried to rationalize his behavior, and now the Grandmother had the audacity to say he did exactly what I told him. Hopefully, this will be a learning experience for the whole family to intervene, because this kid is going to crash and burn. We do not take our positions to hurt him. We take our position with the hope he will become a responsible grown man. That can never happen in an environment which has enabled his bad behavior his whole life.

2seaoat wrote:1:30 am.....unacceptable. No excuses.


You would think so, but an aunt last summer tried to rationalize his behavior, and now the Grandmother had the audacity to say he did exactly what I told him.   Hopefully, this will be a learning experience for the whole family to intervene, because this kid is going to crash and burn.  We do not take our positions to hurt him.  We take our position with the hope he will become a responsible grown man.  That can never happen in an environment which has enabled his bad behavior his whole life.

I worked 11-7 years ago. It was a great shift to wok but sleeping during the day was rough. I had a particular person that would call me in the late morning while I was sleeping.....her calls began with "I'm sorry to wake you up but...."
I started calling her back at 2am, explaining I was sorry but I was too tired to follow her conversation, would she mind talking now.  Her calls stopped.

Sea, like the others I know the type only too well, and am behind you 100% here on all you've done and said. I'm really sorry you have to miss the Easter brunch - a darned shame -- but applaud you for standing up for what's just plain right.

(Aside: I, too cannot ABIDE liars. I cut a beach 'friend' out of my life a couple of years back for continually lying; I can't deal with it, even when it means the end of beach time fun -- but the fun is no longer there when I have to listen to lies. I'd rather beach it alone with the sea.)

Anyway, I digress, but the main reason I'm writing is to warn you to watch your back. From what you've said about this young man I would be afraid he might turn to revenge, or just try to get you out of the way. I do admire your guts, but just please be careful. I know you're more worried about what you might do to him, and the consequences thereof, but he's of that age....just watch it.

Joanimaroni wrote:
I worked 11-7 years ago. It was a great shift to wok but sleeping during the day was rough. I had a particular person that would call me in the late morning while I was sleeping.....her calls began with "I'm sorry to wake you up but...."
I started calling her back at 2am, explaining I was sorry but I was too tired to follow her conversation, would she mind talking now.  Her calls stopped.

Love it.

but he's of that age....just watch it.

He is entirely a punk who thinks he is a bad asz. I am entirely a crazy old person who the town saw how I handled the town bully who terrorized everybody. He told everybody in the local bar he was going F me up......it did not work out that way.....his shooting off shotguns at people.....his swimming up to people's backyards while in the river with his face blackened........his threats to me. He found out that does not work very well with crazy people. After my father died at 10, I had to toughen up to protect my mother and brother.....crazy worked, and sadly I have manhandled many people in my life, including dragging a man out of his car for hitting my dog doing doughnuts in the snow on the road. I pulled him out of the car and held him over my head by his collar all the while saying you killed my dog. Needless to say neighbors and the wife began yelling at me that the dog was alive. To this day, I understood that crazy has a very destructive side which could ruin a family by simply hurting another human being. I manhandled the town bully just a wee bit and he collapsed like the poser he was. This kid simply is not smart enough to threaten, but where he can hurt is after I pass, destroy a very important relationship between my wife and his grandmother. However, she is more on board to stick to our guns and not let this punk manipulate a situation he created by leveraging a relationship. You would be surprised how many people look for easy answers. My wife and I do not fit into that mold, and the last thing to cross my mind is that he could hurt anybody......my biggest fear is I could hurt him badly because I am now too weak and would make short work of him which would forever end my wife's relationship with the family, and I will end up in jail. We will see if my prediction will happen. I am betting that family members will visit with us to discuss this issue. I really believe the kid will learn, and hopefully the family will stop enabling his bad behavior, but please do not worry about me....just because I seem very humane for years on this forum, I sadly can be a very bad person in response to a real threat.

2seaoat wrote:but he's of that age....just watch it.

He is entirely a punk who thinks he is a bad asz.  I am entirely a crazy old person who the town saw how I handled the town bully who terrorized everybody.  He told everybody in the local bar he was going F me up......it did not work out that way.....his shooting off shotguns at people.....his swimming up to people's backyards while in the river with his face blackened........his threats to me.  He found out that does not work very well with crazy people.  After my father died at 10, I had to toughen up to protect my mother and brother.....crazy worked, and sadly I have manhandled many people in my life, including dragging a man out of his car for hitting my dog doing doughnuts in the snow on the road.  I pulled him out of the car and held him over my head by his collar all the while saying you killed my dog.  Needless to say neighbors and the wife began yelling at me that the dog was alive.  To this day, I understood that crazy has a very destructive side which could ruin a family by simply hurting another human being.  I manhandled the town bully just a wee bit and he collapsed like the poser he was.  This kid simply is not smart enough to threaten, but where he can hurt is after I pass, destroy a very important relationship between my wife and his grandmother.  However, she is more on board to stick to our guns and not let this punk manipulate a situation he created by leveraging a relationship.  You would be surprised how many people look for easy answers.  My wife and I do not fit into that mold, and the last thing to cross my mind is that he could hurt anybody......my biggest fear is I could hurt him badly because I am now too weak and would make short work of him which would forever end my wife's relationship with the family, and I will end up in jail.  We will see if my prediction will happen.  I am betting that family members will visit with us to discuss this issue.  I really believe the kid will learn, and hopefully the family will stop enabling his bad behavior, but please do not worry about me....just because I seem very humane for years on this forum, I sadly can be a very bad person in response to a real threat.

Over the years, we've hosted many bbq's. I don't know how this particular person was included, but he was so obnoxious (grabbing my young daughter hard by the shoulder as he walked by), so I went outside to deal with the situation, only to find my husband escorting him to the property line by his cojones.

to find my husband escorting him to the property line by his cojones.


The sad thing is that people who display bad behavior and were never disciplined for the same find out in adulthood the hard way that some behavior is not acceptable. There also is an element of bullying. This individual always had somebody enabling his bad behavior because it was poor Dylan. The bullying of his grandmother went unchecked because the step grandfather was afraid he would lose his wife over her only surviving descendant. Yet, at 20, if more people will take the time to escort him like your husband did, maybe he has a chance to change and be a productive citizen. We will see what happens because the Easter Brunch goes from 1pm until about 7pm and we will see who will come over to enable his bad behavior. I will keep an update as I watch NBA playoffs.

One of the aunts just dropped off two pieces of cake for my wife. She has a son who is two years older than Dylan, and knows fully well who is telling the truth, but nobody wants upset grandma. Everybody knows she has enabled this kid out of grief without even knowing the harm she has caused. We simply will not enable an adult male who lies and tries to leverage his grandmother. We will see if we get our written apologies.

Floridatexan wrote:

Over the years, we've hosted many bbq's.  I don't know how this particular person was included, but he was so obnoxious (grabbing my young daughter hard by the shoulder as he walked by), so I went outside to deal with the situation, only to find my husband escorting him to the property line by his cojones.  

Wow! Do you think we can convince your husband to escort the 1%, gang leader, bad boy out of our White House by his cojones? [/quote]

Telstar wrote:

Floridatexan wrote:

2seaoat wrote:but he's of that age....just watch it.

Over the years, we've hosted many bbq's.  I don't know how this particular person was included, but he was so obnoxious (grabbing my young daughter hard by the shoulder as he walked by), so I went outside to deal with the situation, only to find my husband escorting him to the property line by his cojones.  

Wow! Do you think we can convince your husband to escort the 1%, gang leader, bad boy out of our White House by his cojones?

I'm sure he would be happy to oblige. My point...there have been quite a few people that were asked to leave my house...none quite as radical as this case...but they became persona non grata from that point onward...not welcome. I think things are bound to erupt between this boy's grandmother and your wife, Seaoat.

[b]I think things are bound to erupt between this boy's grandmother and your wife, Seaoat.
[b]

I do not think this will happen. She knows her grandson is a liar. She was just pressured by the grandson to talk to my wife. My wife did not say what the grandson or grandmother wanted to hear. She was firm on the written letters of apology, and no fishing until after the fourth of July weekend. My wife gave grandma a big hug as she was leaving and said I am sad Dylan brought you into this and I will always be your friend, but we will not enable Dylan.

2seaoat wrote: My wife gave grandma a big hug as she was leaving and said I am sad Dylan brought you into this and I will always be your friend, but we will not enable Dylan.

What a perfectly perfect thing for Mrs. Seaoat to say and do.