Fight flight......

With Nueroendocrine cancer your hormone levels are whacked and those high levels spread the cancer.......I have been doing pretty good the last year and a half, but driving on the interstate, I reverted back to my crazy fight mode. I mean there is no reason to get in a confrontation with another driver when you are speeding along at seventy five in a Prius. However........I am minding my own business with cruise control on and I go by this older van.......no big deal. I get about a hundred yards up the road from him and I am in the right lane when he passes me....no problem.....I have the cruise on at seventy five, but lo and behold a truck is coming up so I move into the left lane......however the van suddenly gets to the front of the truck and puts his brakes on......he slows down slower than the truck as the truck nearly passes him. This goes on for about thirty seconds, and the van speeds up and passes......I pass the truck and figure the van had some kind of issue, and although he made me turn my cruise control off, no big deal.......until the next truck about a mile down the road. He is a couple hundred yards in front of me when all of a sudden he gets even with the cab and again puts his brake lights on and begins slowing down so the truck is passing him in the right lane.....again my cruise goes off......and so does my fight response.....I get by the truck and immediately veer into the right lane and hit it getting up to 92 as I scream by the van, and then back into the left lane.....my turn.....I get up to a truck about a mile further as the van is trying to catch me and brakes as I slow to the speed of the truck......I did not spend thirty seconds.....I spent three minutes riding right next to the truck and hitting my brakes every minute or so and then bam.......back to ninety something and about a mile up the road another truck, and yep.......I hit the brakes and go about two minutes this time.....the guy is crazy now that I have beat him at his own game, and he floors the van and passes me as I smile and slowly exit to get gas.........the worst part......I enjoyed messing with him......this is something a normal person would not do......and if he had stopped at the gas station, I probably would have had a physical confrontation......this is not how I behave when I am well, and sadly I do not get tested until June on my hormone levels but I am afraid the new will not be good......because it gets worse.

I took a break from playing poker and went to the bar to watch the Kansas game last night.......I order my hotdog and a diet coke and pay. Well the hot dog comes and the bartender brings it right to my spot, but instead of putting it on the bar where I am watching the game, he puts it on a shelf behind the bar and immediately gets a beer for his buddy who just came to the waitress station. They are talking, and there is my damn hot dog sitting on the shelf in plain site.....and I am hungry. I then do something I never do to a service person, I raise my voice and say "can I have my damn hot dog"......the bartender says nothing as he reaches for the hotdog and hands it to another customer who was standing to my left..........the next order out of the kitchen was my hot dog......I have become this total aggressive in your face dick, and rather than just keeping my mouth shut like I would 99 percent of the time when I was healthy......I insult the bartender who just was absolutely silent because he was embarrassed for me.

At least the dog is happy to see me.

I wonder what kind of mustard he had the kitchen put on the second hot dog that was prepared just for you?


Did not get a chance to put that special sauce on the hot dog.....literally as I was barking about my hot dog.....the cook brought ny hotdog to the bar......I mean I should have apologized, but I was still piszed that he put it on the back shelf.....and even though it was not MY hotdog.....these damn hormones still had me wanting to take his head off. I was also upset that Kansas played a horrible first half against Maryland.....they won in the end, but I was back on the road looking for some more raw meat.

I'd like to see much more law enforcement of left lane abuse... ignorance and stupidity are no excuse. I drive from michigan to florida several times a year and without exception an idiot will do the same thing. I'll pass them in cruise control and they wind up next to me in the left lane and run me into slower traffic... or I'll be following someone in the left lane as they inch past traffic then when they finally get past they speed up. Why? Cruise control should be mandatory on the interstate and idiots ruining the flow and conformity of traffic should be ticketed.

Some times it just feels good Seaoat. I have been known to get pissed off easily from time to time. Holding it in doesn'T feel good.....letting it out does.

A couple of weeks ago my granddaughter was playing in a select basketball tournament. One of the refs, well known to me from when I coached, was referring her game. He was worthless then and never changed. He missed or refused to call , multiple traveling calls....even the ones where a player was on the floor rolling around. I was pissed.....so finally I jumped up and whistled as loud as I could and yelled traveling.....the girl stopped tossed the ball to my granddaugher and my granddaughter tossed it to the reF while she stepped out of bounds to throw the ball in. My granddaughter smiled and the game continued.....only a few knew what happened

Lol... that's awesome joani. Girls hs bball is a much more physical than the boys game usually. My daughter is only 5' 6 but could jump like a cat... an excellent rebounder. These two big girls one night were getting shamed by her one night... I think she had 16. The gym was very loud and those girls were getting rougher and rougher. She pulled one down right between them and they started mauling her. I jumped up from the stands and yelled HEY..!! Well the gym went entirely silent... then everyone laughed including all of the players. I meekishly said that's my daughter as I sat down... lol.

PkrBum wrote:Lol... that's awesome joani. Girls hs bball is a much more physical than the boys game usually. My daughter is only 5' 6 but could jump like a cat... an excellent rebounder. These two big girls one night were getting shamed by her one night... I think she had 16. The gym was very loud and those girls were getting rougher and rougher. She pulled one down right between them and they started mauling her. I jumped up from the stands and yelled HEY..!! Well the gym went entirely silent... then everyone laughed including all of the players. I meekishly said that's my daughter as I sat down... lol.

Good for you.

Refs are suppose to control and prevent the hard hits....jump balls should be called before two players end up being thrown to the floor...one of my pet peeves. Most of the refs know me....a couple will ask if I have my whistle with me. "Always"

Sea, I really hope you can somehow get your hormone levels back to  reasonable levels if they're out of whack.   I'll respectfully admit, however, that I have at least as hard a time sympathizing with road rage antics as you have forgiving yourself for pulling them. This is a sensitive subject with me, and I'll explain why.

My first question would be:  Was your wife with you?  If so, did you give any thought to her safety?   If not, did you give any thought to how she'd feel if you ended up as road rage kill?  

Here's the thing: My husband doesn't have the hormone excuse (other than being a male animal - lol) but -- and this really isn't funny at all -- two or three time in the past year or so he has pulled dangerous stunts while I was riding in his truck that made me furious.  The hazardous moves always arise from some childish need to be the punitive one, the corrector, to "fix" someone he believes is driving too fast or too close or whatever.   It's like he's the highway vigilante or something.  It's disgusting.

And here's the thing:  I love my husband dearly and he's normally a pretty good guy, but I hate what he does in these instances, if for no other reason than that it shows absolutely ZERO regard for the person sitting next to him in the vehicle, who happens to be his WIFE.  This is SO hurtful!! He has NO right to put MY life in danger so he can satisfy his punitive urges.  He gets this nasty little smile on his face and I want to punch his lights out.  It is juvenile and thoughtless.  

The last time he did this, coming over the Bob Sikes Bridge about three weeks ago and almost swerving into the vehicle beside us to thwart a speeder coming up from behind, I cursed (which I rarely do, except at Donald Trump on the TV), and almost told him at the foot of the bridge to stop the truck. let me out and I'd walk home, and that this would be the very last time I would ride with him.  I have told him in the past how I feel about it all and he promised not to act childish any more - and then he did.  

I usually do the driving  because I'm nervous riding with him, but when we do something that requires his truck I reluctantly have to ride.  Next time I will give him a quiet reminder of his promise before we leave, and that if it ever happens again, I'm outta there -- at least out of the truck -- for good.   He can go wherever he wants by himself, without my help, and I'll make my own way home.

And look, the thing is, even if I WEREN'T in the truck, his actions would still show no thought at all for me or my well-being, that he would put his life in danger and potentially leave me alone for the duration, if not taking care of a seriously injured man.  I don't know that I could ever forgive him.  He  needs to realize that not everything is all about him on the road.

I'm sorry, Sea, I understand that this is a place to come for support, and I truly hate that you're ill and having trouble controlling your anger, but as you can see this one really touched a nerve with me.

Do whatever you have to do, please, including having someone else drive if necessary, but for heaven's sake don't put yourself or others in danger like that ever again.  Think of your family who love you!!  Hot dogs in a bar are one thing, but you obviously said the rest yourself in your very first few sentences.  I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

My wife had to stay in Navarre to work on an unfinished project, and I was stuck driving up alone and back alone. None of my actions other than going 92 on the interstate were dangerous or a risk to myself or any other driver. They were simply a dick thing to do. I have the same problem playing poker now. My risk assessments are simply skewed. I do not see risks like I do when the cancer is not pumping out hormones, and I play terrible with clear risky bets which are quickly called and which lose money. A normal hormone level is 200. When they found the metastasis on my liver it was 800 four times the normal level. However, in 2014 it got up to 3500 and the doctor would not look me in the eye as he scheduled me for a radio embolization of the liver tumor as I was a dead man walking. With the four new marble size tumors in my lungs and bronchial tube they are all pumping out more hormone, and the fight flight response will be impacted. However, I never bring risk to my wife or other innocents........in regard to physically confronting someone.....well long before I had cancer and when my hormones had nothing to do with my behavior......I would happily seek out bullies, and made no apologies then, nor now. However, this hormonal thing is something which has given me a better empathy with women who go through the change of life and have hormonal imbalances which are slight compared to endocrine cancer, but nonetheless disturbing for the person going through it and those who have to interact with that person.

What makes you think it's your hormones when you were always like that? Sounds like you you had a period of repentance and are now back to normal.LOL!

I have always been capable of being a dick, and I definitely have always had a problem with risk assessment........had my asz kicked quite a few times when others would clearly assess the risk and not engage, but honestly with endocrine cancer some people have the tumors in them for 10 years before there is any metastasis, so certainly in my forties I could have been having hormonal imbalance. My wife saw the Steve Jobs movie and laughed.....he too displayed some very similar behavior which I sadly admit has been around for years.

Yeah but Jobs was like that early in life before the hormonal imbalance. He denied he was the father of his child.

2seaoat wrote:None of my actions other than going 92 on the interstate were dangerous or a risk to myself or any other driver.

Baloney, pure and simple.  Look, I know you hate the word "WRONG," my friend, but you just don't get it. When you do "dick things" as you call them -- moves specifically designed to irritate or get back at the other driver and/or teach him or her a lesson -- you are absolutely inviting a road rage incident.  You have NO IDEA of the temperament of the other guy.  For all you know he could be a felonious type, or a sociopath, or his own hormone levels could be sky high, and he could decide to run you off the road or knock you off via a gunshot to your head through the rear window.  Any or all of this is potentially life threatening to EVERY other driver in the vicinity, not just yourself.

Knock it off.  It's not worth it.

I would do the same thing I did with little fear of hurting anybody.   My Prius gas light went off, and I knew I would be exiting the interstate.  There was not going to be any road rage.  Unless the person traveled five miles to the next exit, turned around and traveled five miles to my exit, and then confronted me......not very logical.   As PK said left lane violations need to be prosecuted.  In the Naples Area they have signs everywhere that they prosecute left lane violations.  In regard to somebody hurting me.....now that is truly funny.  I do not take risks with other people.  My slowing down adjacent to a truck was exactly the behavior which I wanted to accent.   Again, the entire trip I was being passed by people going over ninety miles an hour and the American interstate system could easily handle 100mph traffic like the autobon.   My actions were safe and clear in their intent.   Now would I have even bothered if my hormone levels were not high.....probably not, but to suggest that I would endanger others is silly and in regard to me being scared of somebody shooting me.....not likely and a few months off my life expectancy would not be a tragedy, just a small detour in my journey.

OK Sea, have it your way.   I wasn't suggesting, however, that you would be afraid of someone shooting you, only that your being shot (and your vehicle's thus being driverless at those speeds) would endanger others.  
But look, you wanna act like a smart asz on the highway, I obviously can't say anything that would change your mind, because -- silly me for not remembering --  you are ALWAYS AND FOREVER RIGHT.  

Why does anyone ever bother?

Why does anyone ever bother?

Because it is so fun when they can show that I am wrong......people wait to pounce on arrogance and certainty....it is human nature.

2seaoat wrote:Why does anyone ever bother?

Because it is so fun when they can show that I am wrong......people wait to pounce on arrogance and certainty....it is human nature.

Gee, I'll have to remember that & make sure I'm having fun, even when I don't think I am.

Oh......you know you would smile at least for a moment if like my granddaughter who corrected me about the tail of a whale, I would have to concede I was wrong......but it happens so infrequently......I am afraid you may have an extended period of sadness......which if you want.......I could say that the Supreme Court will say that leaseholds should not pay taxes......but then again......we both know.....I was right on that.........I think a better ploy would be to correct my spelling and grammar......I have become quite careless, and it would stop me from being so sloppy.....but still cannot say it would put a smile on your face.