Wow. National Review! And people think I'm mean to the sorry slob!
I would highlight bits, but I'd end up highlighting the whole thing, so... here it is, in total.
Witless Ape Rides Helicopter
By Kevin D. Williamson
January 20, 2021 3:07 PM
Well, that sucked.
Memo to MAGA and all its myriad fellow-travelers: Maybe Death of a Salesman as presented by Leni Riefenstahl just wasn’t the show Americans were dying to tune into this season.
And, while we’re at it, maybe turning your party over to Generalissimo Walter Mitty, his hideous scheming spawn, and the studio audience from Hee-Haw was not just absolutely aces as a political strategy.
Think on it, Cletus. I know this whole thing still sounds like your idea of a good time — how’s that working out for you?
Let me refresh your memory: On the day Donald Trump was sworn in as president, Republicans controlled not only the White House but both houses of Congress. They were in a historically strong position elsewhere as well, controlling both legislative chambers in 32 states. They pissed that away like they were midnight drunks karaoke-warbling that old Chumbawumba song: In 2021, they control approximately squat. The House is run by Nancy Pelosi. The Senate is run, as a practical matter, by Kamala Harris. And Joe Biden won the presidency, notwithstanding whatever the nut-cutlet guest-hosting for Dennis Prager this week has to say about it.
Donald Trump is, in fact, the first president since Herbert Hoover to lead his party to losing the presidency, the House, and the Senate all in a single term. Along with being the first president to be impeached twice and the first game-show host elected to the office, that’s Trump’s claim to the history books. Well, that and 400,000 dead Americans and the failed coup d’état business.
As for the ratings Trump fears and worships, ask the Third Lady: Melania Trump departs the scene the most unpopular presidential wife in recorded statistical history.
You Trumpish Republicans sneered that Joe Biden was too corrupt and too senescent to win a presidential campaign, that he was one part mafioso and one part turnip.
That turnip kicked your dumb asses from Delaware to D.C.
So you rioted. Real smart move, Cletus.
Five Americans are dead. Barricades have been erected around the Capitol. Thousands of federal troops have been deployed to the streets of Washington. State capitols have been obliged to prepare for siege. Americans blame you for this — and they are not wrong.
“Trust the plan,” the QAnon cultists say. Is this what you were planning? I know you are stupid, but you are not that stupid.
“Oh, but he fights!” you’ll say — over and over and over. He didn’t fight — he tweeted. He’s ten feet tall on social media and a pushover in real life. Trade deficit: up. Unemployment rate: rising. Abortion rate: rising. Beijing: rising. The coronavirus body-count: rising.
But he sure did tweet a lot!
And he pardoned Roger Stone — at least he took care of that pressing national priority.
“But the judges!” you protest. Fair point: Trump’s absurd attempts to overturn the election through specious legal challenges were laughed out of court by the very men and women he appointed to the bench. Even his judges think he’s a joke.
Everybody has figured that out. Except you.
And so, goodbye, Donald J. Trump, the man who wanted to be Conrad Hilton but turned out to be Paris Hilton. Au revoir, Ivanka and Jared, Uday and Qusay — there’s a table for four reserved for you at Dorsia. So long, Melania — it’s still not entirely clear what you got out of this, but I hope it was worth it. A fond farewell to Ted Cruz’s reputation and Mike Pence’s self-respect, Lindsey Graham’s manhood and Fox News’s business model. In with “Dr.” Jill Biden, out with “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka.
Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.
I’m sure we’ll all meet again. But I’d really rather we didn’t.
Here's some highlights from the comments section (most of which are people who struggle with grammar saying they're canceling their subscription, and some weird guy who's REALLY REALLY REALLY proud that he has two degrees in anthropology and wants to make sure everybody knows it):
Here’s the difference. Trump supporters continued to encourage Trump’s bad behavior. He acted as their avatar. Trump loyalists refused to reign Trump in. There’s moral culpability here. Will the GOP face up to it or pretend there’s nothing to see here and shuffle people along.
President Trump was permitted by his supporters to act like some punk teenager. Actually, a punk teenager knows better since he risks getting his arse kicked.
Oh, I totally agree that GOP leadership is to blame. I have stated a few times on other articles that, about a week into his term, DJT should have been visited by Paul Ryan and been told, "Look, Mr. President, your bully act got you elected, but it won't help you govern. We simply will not follow a president who refuses to act like a President. If you work with us, both on legislation and behavior, we can do you a lot of good and get you re-elected. But if you insist upon being the far end of a horse, we will wash our hands of you."
Now that would be quite a hand to play, but Ryan DID have the cards. Trump knew nothing, and he would have HAD to go along. But what if he didn't? Well, he could have denounced Ryan and company, and perhaps they would lose their shirts in the 2018 elections. But they would still have their souls, and when, as he inevitably would, Trump revealed the total sum of his ignorance, ineptitude, and corruption, they would be in a position to lead today.
But instead, we today have a Republican Party, still bleeding from the wound of self-castration.
Everyone cringing and threatening to cancel their subscriptions over this one biting opinion piece obviously did not read the rest of today's edition. NR is nowhere close to being the NY Times. It makes me wonder who are the snowflakes, engaging in cancel culture. Trump did lose the House, Senate, and presidency in a single term. No one is to blame for this other than Trump. The GOP had better do some soul searching (and weeding) before the next election.
I supported Trump. I tried to defend him until he threw me under the bus one time too many. KDW can mock me all he wants because he's right and I deserve it.
I also like his humor.
President Trump never even learned his job. Thank God he had a few good people around him so at least his Administration had some successes.
20 hours ago
It's quite amusing how people who gleefully bask in Trump's nastiness take offense when it's coming back the other way.
17 hours ago
And they're the ones whose entire intellectual toolkit consists of whataboutism.
I'm sure anything Trump would have had to say about KDW over the last 4 years would have been in a tweet, and it would have been nastier and mind-numbingly stupid like all his other moronic tweets.
Take a look at the January 6 insurrection and spot the totalitarians. I used to sneer at people who said both parties are equally bad. Now I see the point. What a disgrace.
Bat guano nonsense from the Trumpian fever swamps.
We've had to put up with their nonsense for 4 years now and we're left with the Democrats in control of the WH and Congress. Nice work, Trumpers. You guys and your crazy Trump talk can't leave quick enough.
One of my favorite KDW articles. It sums up what I’m thinking every time I see a truck on a lift kit with a MAGA bumper sticker. Does that make me a snob? So what. To thine own self be true.
The NeverTrumpers were proven right by the man himself.
Man up. Admit they were right and you were wrong. If you can't accept that, then there is no hope for you.
Every word warranted. Pure catharsis. Solid freaking gold.
I just had to come back and look at the new comments, as well as re-reading the actual column. Both bring me a different kind of joy, although I would have liked it even more if KDW had posted this alongside his Escalator column from 2015. Thank you for this, it helps further along the cleansing enema we're all experiencing right now. And the comments here, oh dear, just delicious, like McDonald's fries or Taco Bell, tasty garbage.
Oh, and if you want some real fun, poke around at all the QAnon people who are having mental breakdowns right now 'cuz they're figuring out they've been duped. That's sometimes funny, sometimes just pitiful.
I really do hope this woman got some help, because she needs it: https://twitter.com/RexChapman/status/1352003245376466949 I mean, that's not even funny. This woman's a victim of a really cruel cult who's filled her with some much complete nonsense that she's terrified. She's probably dumb as a rutabaga, and she might well kill us all (or at least cheerlead it) if she had the chance, but it's still a mean, vicious, heartless thing to exploit somebody's fears and turn them into a frightened animal like that, just to use them as a useful-idiot. I hope somebody talked her down and made her not so afraid of possibly getting health care or somethin'.