finding a lump in your breast

It is those very research hospitals which flow information to all the rest which is most responsible for survival rates......not the special skills of Dr. No in west podunk Nebraska.

bigdog wrote:Ghost, if you've read my posts you would know that I have also had years of experience with  breast cancer, but I'm obviously not as upset about it as you have been. My experience ....  

And you don't know our entire story, and I don't care to relate it now (I may have perhaps related some of it on here in the past) If your experience with Baptist of Pensacola is what works for you and you're comfortable/happy with them, not my business really.

They have some systemic problems there IMO and I could write pages upon pages about that, but suffice it to say I would not, will not, recommend them.  

We have no further use for them.   My wife is walking today when she surely would not have been had we followed Baptist proposed protocol for her.

Your mileage may vary.

2seaoat wrote:It is those very research hospitals which flow information to all the rest which is most responsible for survival rates......not the special skills of Dr. No in west podunk Nebraska.

That's no great revelation, of course, and many local hospital systems have partnered with the biggies (such as Baptist with the Mayo Clinic).

Well she and her husband stopped by this afternoon and we went to an art fair.  She is very scared and she has a great deal of bad information.  She has visited a homeopathic doctor who told her he will take care of the cancer with vitamins and diet.  Same course that Steve Jobs took.  Her husband took control and absolutely destroyed the doctor.  Her oncologist said many of those treatments may be fine after they knock the cancer down, but it would be in conflict with the recommended strategy of chemo, surgery, and radiation.  The c word makes some people panic.  I had very little luck calming her down, and sadly my wife and I seeing how much weight she has lost think that this may be much more extensive than she understands.  She gets an MRI Monday, but I failed miserably in doing my upbeat cheerleading routine........Thankfully, her husband is very protective and patient and explains things to her.

They are putting a microchip on the tumor before chemo so the surgeon will have a point of reference after the treatments when they clear the tumor and margins.  The doctor with the micro chip was ethnically chinese, and the first thing she stated to the doctor .......its not a chinese micro chip.......She is an avid Trump supporter and her husband immediately jumped in as the doctor was offended, and he said she was joking.....it was not funny, but she is scared and does not even think about filtering what she is saying because of her role model.  It drives me insane because in the end people are manipulating people who are intellectually challenged.

Seaoat, I don't know your friend and I hope for the best results for her. But the President of the United States did not make her comment on whether the microchip was Chinese or not.
The first doctor was not of her racial group either. It's not a lack of intelligence that makes people make racist comments, it's the fact that that is what is inside them.
It's what's inside the POTUS and he did not win the popular vote. Most Americans don't think like that.
And those that do know full well that they are being insulting.
Allowing the insult because the "president is like that too" is exactly the problem with America right now. We have a repulsive, racist, extremely  stupid man in the White House. He's not a role model. He should be reviled for the way he is, and so should the Nazis, racists, and haters who want to be like him.

I know many Trump voters who would not ever insult a Chinese person or act in any way like the POTUS.I don't consider them to be overly intelligent, after all, they voted for Trump. But they are civil, polite people, just as most Americans are when they are talking to a stranger. Those that are not are just looking for an excuse. You seem to think they deserve one?
Really?

You seem to think they deserve one?
Really?

Racism is learned behavior. There is a great deal of learning going on in America.

I disagree with you. I think racism is natural behavior, in the same way that "birds of a feather flock together" in nature.
There are a lot of things that are natural behavior that we, as humans, learn to overcome when we are children. We learn that it's not right to hurt other people or small animals. We learn it's not right to steal, otherwise, we'd all live in total chaos.
But it doesn't have to do with being more or less intelligent. A lot of intelligent people, like the POTUS, choose never to learn those things because they are all about themselves. They are not convenient things to learn.  Yes, I said he is intelligent in some ways. He's the best person in the world at promoting himself and getting absolutely what he wants.  But he's a self centered bastard.
That's a fault, not a lack of knowledge. It's not convenient for racists to learn that others are the same as they are, because it doesn't boost their egos. So they reject the idea and refuse to learn it.
They could learn, they don't want to.  That's why it's almost useless to try and change a racist. Being a racist makes them feel good.

Racism is based on fear of the unknown. These are people who rarely (or never) step outside their comfort zones. They don't want to try new things. And they probably base their sense of worth on how much money or how many possessions they have, and then compare themselves to "lesser beings". Some are just hateful...and this mockery of the office of the presidency has emboldened them.

I agree with you that it is partly based on fear of the unknown, but I don't think that's all of it.
I think it's also resistance to even trying to learn to accept other races because if they do, they might just find out that they are not so superior after all.
Or maybe that is the fear of the unknown that you are talking about. Whatever it is, since their racism makes them feel so superior, they have no desire to get rid of it. Congregating with others who feel the same as they do gives them a sense of power.
But when we use the POTUS as an excuse for all these vermin coming out of the closet over the last year and a half, we're focusing it only on one person. We're ignoring the millions of people out there showing their worst sides and they are to blame too. I think calling it out where you see it is still important.They still need to be driven back underground where slugs belong.

bigdog wrote:I agree with you that it is partly based on fear of the unknown, but I don't think that's all of it.
I think it's also  resistance to even trying to learn to accept other races because if they do, they might just find out that they are not so superior after all.
Or maybe that is the fear of the unknown that you are talking about. Whatever it is, since their racism makes them feel so superior, they have no desire to  get rid of it. Congregating with others who feel the same as they do gives them a sense of power.
But when we use the POTUS as an excuse for all these vermin coming out of the closet over the last year and a half, we're focusing it only on one person. We're ignoring the millions of people out there showing their worst sides and they are to blame too. I think calling it out where you see it is still important.They still need to be driven back underground where slugs belong.

Well said.

She spent the night in Chicago and is going to Northwestern this morning for testing and meeting with oncologists. My wife will see her tonight in their Bunko game where the girls are going to do watercolors. She is going to Mayo next week. There is a lot crazy going on here and I hope her husband can keep her on the reservation as she is talking crazy treatments where the oncologists are suggesting that her choices are not wise. The C word can drive some people into erratic behavior, but hopefully she will get the competent treatment she needs.

Disaster. I think my friend is losing her mind. Her husband is with her on all the appointments, and her behavior has become very erratic. First, as a patient, you need to confirm that medical records are being transferred to a doctor who is going to recommend a second opinion.

Well, she went to a clinic where she had about five years of mamograms and asked them to transfer the same to her first oncologist. The records person asked to you want the femur images, and she replied yes thinking the femur was some part of the chest. These never caught up with her oncologist but were transferred to a surgeon she met with at Northwestern, where he explained no medical records had been sent which were relevant to her breast cancer. She then got angry why she was talking with a surgeon when she should be talking to a oncologist. The doctor was furious and ended the appointment with a sarcastic have a nice ride home. They now go to Mayo next week, and unless somebody intervenes, we think she is having a complete mental melt down with the diagnosis. I have always had to be very blunt with her because she is an avid Trump supporter and intellectually is very limited while her husband is brilliant. We are concerned the cancer may be in her brain based on her behavior. We will wait to hear from Mayo.

OMG this sounds perfectly awful, Sea. The first question that enters my mind -- especially if mental difficulties are becoming apparent (presuming they weren't before, though you say she's already not the brightest bulb in the box) -- is, why is her "brilliant" husband not accompanying her in discussions re such things as transfer of records, and/or at her appointments with specialists? Does she refuse his assistance, or is he uncomfortable providing it, or what? It's obvious she needs some intelligent (and calming!) guidance.

I totally understand that a breast cancer diagnosis pulls the health rug out from under any woman and is devastating to hear, but by now she should've done her own research and found that the stats are good in many if not most cases, if she adheres to today's best procedures.

So does this now mean she'll only have the one expert opinion, from Mayo? I sure hope she listens to reason and medical science in the end.

As a breast cancer survivor with good faith in the medical community as to this disease, I hate hearing what she's going through -- or, perhaps, putting herself through.

She was a heavy pot user, and we noticed about five years ago that she was having cognitive issues as she became more and more into conspiracy theories and rumors on facebook. She became impossible to have a discussion and was very opinionated as to my cancer being caused by not having the right diet. She has been angry at her husband since he corresponded with a high school sweetheart innocently as she went so far as accusing me of knowing about the affair, which I replied.....why would your husband have confidence in my keeping a secret when he knows I tell my wife everything, and I said the high school sweetheart is a grandmother who looks like granny on the Beverly Hillbillies.....she thought about it and agreed. She used to sit in Barricudas on Navarre Beach and had every person at the bar interacting with her as she was fun and outgoing, but she has gotten very dark. Her kids had her over for dinner last night as everybody is freaking a little bit. Thankfully, Mrs. Seaoat is talking to her by phone about three times a week and she has always been a calming factor. I am very sad to see the fear.

2seaoat wrote:Thankfully, Mrs. Seaoat is talking to her by phone about three times a week and she has always been a calming factor.

That's the most encouraging thing you've said so far. Mrs. Sea seems a real peach and solid as a rock.

Corresponding with a high school sweetheart is not anything I would find normal for a married man to do.I have a very good friend whose husband started talking to his high school sweetheart after over 30 years of marriage. He actually left my friend, with whom he had 2 daughters, and moved to Colorado to be with his high school sweetheart. He told my friend he'd never stopped loving this woman. Then, about 2 years later, he came back to my friend, crying that he hadn't known what he was doing. She took the jerk back. That was her business, not mine, but if he had been my husband he could have taken a long walk off a short pier.  Sorry about your friend's health problems, but I doubt her using pot has anything to do with her cognitive problems. If she has any kind of mental issues at all, her husband didn't help her by cheating online.  She needs her husband's support, not just Mrs Seaoat's.
I think he needs an ass kicking.

And by the way, at least half of the time when a man leaves a woman it isn't for a better looking one. My friend is still the most beautiful 72 year old woman I know. I guarantee you her husband's high school sweetheart didn't hold up as well as she has.
BTW Seaoat, how did you know what this guys high school sweetheart looked like if you didn't know there was anything going on between them?

She is delusional right now. Her husband is very loving and supportive, but his wife is having mental health issues on top of breast cancer. She has now piszed off two doctors with off the wall comments, and she is totally into Alex Jones and believes the health industry does not tell people the truth, but try to make a profit off sick people. I get the fear, but getting angry over a letter from someone over two thousand miles away about some good reads on books is NOT cheating, but sharing with friends. People can keep in contact with friends and former girlfriends without some sinister purpose......the very paranoid approach this woman is taking on everything. I had hoped to see her today at the birthday party, but they did not come. We are thinking about asking them to join us next week in the quad cities for a night in a hotel and dinner. He is scared to death because he would be lost without his wife. I am so happy my wife is self confident and independent. I think it is not a good thing for a woman to depend on a man......partners yes.........but she feels threatened if he goes golfing......and has been that way for twenty five years, but never at this level of paranoia. Cancer is no fun, and I get her fear and paranoia, but not to the extent it may interfere with her treatment.

If you think it's okay to resume correspondence or an online relationship with a high school sweetheart after years of marriage to someone else, that's your opinion.
I believe you are 100% wrong, and your friend did not do his wife's mental state any good by doing so.
I would never resume any kind of relationship at all, not even just correspondence, with my first serious boyfriend. I respect my husband too much to do that.
He would not do it to me either.

And it's not because of any insecurity or fear of what might happen.
It's respect for your spouse's feelings.

My eighth grade girlfriend and I danced about five dances at our 20 year reunion.  My wife was cool with it because she knows I do not cheat, and in fact I have been friendly with some of those junior high girls over the year, and this one definitely would like to get friendly probably where my wife would have a concern if she was insecure.  Her attitude is make your own free choices and if you do not want to be with me, then most certainly find happiness.  We have been bound at the waist for our entire marriage as our partnership works knowing that each of us are independent.

My concern is that the paranoia is corresponding with a rapid aging process where excess sun exposure has made her look like a woman ten years older and she feels horrible about her skin.  She needs to get logical medical care, but we fear mental health issues are going to complicate this matter.  First, I could say at least ninety percent of folks on this forum would know the Femur is not part of the breast, and they know it is dependent on the patient to get medical records to a new doctor. She has a great deal of anger since learning she has cancer.

You can speak about your own marriage any way you want to. Dancing at a high school reunion is pretty common.
Reestablishing a relationship with a high school sweetheart after years of marriage is not.Telling your friends about it and showing them pictures but hiding it from your wife is also not. Of course, that's my opinion, but I stand by it. All marriages are not as secure as you say yours is, and there have been plenty of extremely secure marriages, like that of my friend, who have fallen apart because one of the partners met an old flame.
Methinks the lady had good cause for concern, and I wouldn't trust the book club story if I were still 10 years old.
So, she's worried about her marriage and then she finds she has cancer.That's a terrifying state of affairs for any woman.
She needs to talk to some survivors. There are hundreds of thousands of us out there and there are groups she can hook up with. Nobody else is going to convince her that there's hope or that she needs to find the right treatment. she's angry right now and lashing out. It's not necessarily crazy, it's just some people's response to cancer. It can actually be a healthy response if she turns it in the right direction.

The problem is that she is listening to one of her friends who is a survivor and insisted that she forego conventional cancer treatment, and she actually went to a nutritionist who was going to cure her cancer with diet. Not all survivors are giving proper medical advice. When they got to the first oncologist, the doctor said after we knock the cancer out he would have no problem, but she is a complete mental mess right now. I am thankful that my wife is a good friend who listens, but this will get worse before it gets better. Cancer sucks.

2seaoat wrote: When they got to the first oncologist, the doctor said after we knock the cancer out he would have no problem

Would have no problem with what? Hard to follow you sometimes....

As for "knocking the cancer out" I hope she gets to it. I, for one, after diagnosis did not like the idea that screwing around for too much time provided just that much more opportunity for stray cancer cells to find their way to my lymph nodes. I wanted it GONE, and FAST.

2seaoat wrote:  Cancer sucks.

Truer words were never spoken.

RealLindaL wrote:

2seaoat wrote: When they got to the first oncologist, the doctor said after we knock the cancer out he would have no problem

Would have no problem with what?  Hard to follow you sometimes....

As for "knocking the cancer out" I hope she gets to it.  I, for one, after diagnosis did not like the idea that screwing around for too much time provided just that much more opportunity for stray cancer cells to find their way to my lymph nodes.   I wanted it GONE, and FAST.  

Me too!

Would have no problem with what? Hard to follow you sometimes....


The oncologist explained that making her more healthy right now does nothing to help him remove the cancer, but after his treatment there would be no problem in a more holistic approach which actually would benefit her long term.

They are on their way up to Mayo now, and hopefully she will calmly listen to rational options for treatment on Monday, but I am afraid this is only going to get worse.