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Jade Helm 15 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Teabagger

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polecat

polecat
Operation Jade Helm 15 began yesterday, and beards weren’t the only thing that caught Obama’s thugs’ attention. Shit got real serious real quick, according to Devin Pike and other embedded operatives on the ground:





“Boss: I’ve been redacted by Jade Helm agents, and can’t make it in to work. Don’t send help. I’ll fight for my freedom.” #yolo
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


These guys are serious. One of my captors is about to spill the whole plan. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015

polecat

polecat

justdevin I'm getting a team ready to attempt a rescue of you. In retrospect I shouldn't have tweeted this. #nothingtoseehere #OMGJadeHelm
— Jason The X (@JasonTheX) July 15, 2015


This isn’t about land, or freedom, or even our New Gay Overlords. It’s about ... steak. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015

polecat

polecat

By controlling the majority of American steakhouses, Obama will mitigate any testosterone-fueled gun control opposition?” #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


“...nah. Obama just wants to be able to eat at Piney Creek Chop House whenever the mood strikes.” #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


“So, this has nothing to do with Gay marriage, or guns, or Sharia Law?” “Nope. Have you been to Piney Woods? It’s amazing.” #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015

polecat

polecat

what are you guys talking about theres no .... whoa where did all these Korean paratroopers come from? #OMGJadeHelm
— Rob Ntropi (@Ntropi1) July 15, 2015


There’s now a pair of planes overhead. They’re spelling out, in chemtrails: “Eat... Less... Steak.” Those bastards. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


My captors are taking me to an Internment Center. It’s an abandoned Walmart. Could be worse: could be a real Walmart. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


@Ntropi1 @justdevin I just fought one. His face fell of and it was a reptilian homosexual who tried to take my guns!! #OMGJadeHelm
— Jason The X (@JasonTheX) July 15, 2015

polecat

polecat

Reptilian” is a racist term. You mean “Herpetologic-American.” #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


@justdevin @Ntropi1 My apologies. He also tried to convert me to Scientology.
— Jason The X (@JasonTheX) July 15, 2015


We’re being loaded into Piggly Wiggly trucks. “We tried Blue Bell, but people kept stopping us and asking for samples.” #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


This trip blows. The truck smells like putsch. #OMGJadeHelm

polecat

polecat


Another Chatty Cathy. "Blah blah, Gay Mafia, blah, Kenyan usurper, blah." Can I sit somewhere other than next to Glenn Beck? #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


For re-education, we have to watch the director's cuts of 2012 and BATTLEFIELD: EARTH. WORST. JADEHELM. EVER. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


Dammit! I could have gotten a premium seat on a Death Panel if I had signed up for Obamacare! This is a disaster. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


"Wait, are you friends with Scott Kaufman?" "...yes." "VIP! Front of the line!" Wow, he really *is* part of the plot! #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


Sumbitch. Someone got busted Instagramming the camp, and they're being forced to listen to Florida-Georgia Line on a loop. #OMGJadeHelm
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015


.@justdevin I'm stopping at @Cabelas & @walmart for guns & ammo! I'm on the way buddy! #JadeHelm15 #jade
— Mike (@Fullmetalpenny) July 15, 2015


.@Fullmetalpenny NO! Cabelas and Walmart are traps! Restock at Buc-ees! Tell you need the #OMGJadeHelm Special. And give 'em a knowing wink.
— Devin Pike (@justdevin) July 15, 2015

knothead

knothead
Very clever and funny polecat . . . . .

TEOTWAWKI

TEOTWAWKI
Guess it's time to leave the bunker and head for Texas. Molon Labe...Dig in this won't be another Alamo men !

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