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time is getting short

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376 Re: time is getting short on 9/25/2018, 6:34 pm

Looks good ya eco terrorist... lol. I'm playing a big tourn Saturday that starts at 10:30 am ect.

First should be a good chunk.

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377 Re: time is getting short on 9/25/2018, 6:45 pm

Good luck to you!

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378 Re: time is getting short on 9/25/2018, 6:47 pm

2seaoat wrote:I am now below 200 lbs.  I have not weighed this little since my senior year in high school.  I am steadily losing strength, and now completely understand what my surgeon said about me passing after September.  He said I would become to weak to get out of bed, would fall into a coma, and would pass within three days of the same.  However, my eyes are really clear.  I am not seeing any jaundice despite the liver failing.  This is encouraging if I can make the third PRRT, because the PA said all four treatments will show some improvement......but from what.  I have debated to show a photo of what is left of my chest and shoulders, but it is disturbing and I do not want gross folks out as this journey has been educational and not meant to be a horror show.

I have been working the bobcat for two days.  I have to crawl up into the cab as my ability to just pull my self up with handles has passed.  The four floods this year have made a mess of the islands and I need to repair the causeways before I pass because my wife will not be able to do the same.






Looks good.

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379 Re: time is getting short on 9/25/2018, 6:57 pm

Looks good ya eco terrorist... lol. I'm playing a big tourn Saturday that starts at 10:30 am ect.

We have booked our hotel room for Thursday and I will play in a fifty player tournament.  I came in 10th last time, they paid to five.  I usually play for bigger buy ins, but I am having very real problems with mental confusion as the liver fails and I have increased the dose of medical pot, so as I continue to slip it will become obvious around here my posts are going to increasingly become MORE confusing.

The work and installation of the culverts was permitted many years ago but the floods keep blowing out this area, but now with some culverts to relieve pressure hopefully the erosion will decrease.  I feel great after I run the bobcat.  Good exercise.  I think I need to keep projects in front of me to push the envelope.  I am looking for poker because literally my tournaments remaining probably could be counted on one hand.  I bullied last time and I think some of the players may have me figured.

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380 Re: time is getting short on 9/25/2018, 8:55 pm

Change it up. I'll usually use about 30 to 40% of my stack early to goof around... even to get caught bluffing.

Then change gears after to tighter even if i chipped up nicely. Then turn it back on when the blinds get big.

Almost everyone gets tight later in the tourn... that's when i really abuse the table. I don't even need cards.

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381 Re: time is getting short on 9/28/2018, 5:13 pm

No poker, but I did play the carnival games and won enough to pay for our dinner in their steakhouse as we had used all our coupons for September. They gave me two free 100 buck bets in the month of September where I put the coupon on the blackjack table.....if I win I get a black chip. I lost both of them, but am up 1,500 for the year on this casino, and have had almost eight hundred dollars of free meals, and a thousand on free hotel rooms. When you are very weak, the casino allows you to recreate comfortably......I used to laugh at all the old farts getting their free coupons.......I have become one. It was nice not to watch any more of the chit show on tv, but was encouraged as I spoke to people and they overwhelming believed this was a political hit job, and they were angry what has been done to the man.........I just shut up as they let off steam because at the rate I am declining my wife and I may not have many of these little vacations left. Old farts in casinos.........the new standard.

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382 Re: time is getting short on 9/29/2018, 6:58 pm

Just busted in 15th. My AK < AQ for a top 3 stack. Oh well... i played well... didn't make any mistakes.

Just one of those days. Wink

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383 Re: time is getting short on 9/30/2018, 2:26 pm

Granddaughters spent the night last night. We took them to breakfast this morning and took them to Kohls to let them pick out some outfits. The are at this wonderful time in life that they are enjoying conversation with us, and are asking so many questions. They have become such young ladies. I have been blessed to share this time with them, and my wife smiling is priceless.

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384 Re: time is getting short on 9/30/2018, 4:33 pm

All sounds lovely. Wishing you even more time with the grands -- and for wifely smiles.

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385 Re: time is getting short on 9/30/2018, 6:17 pm

I wore out after breakfast and they took me home to watch the Bear game. The girls went to walmart to help grandma do some shopping. The girls saw a Tim Burton tee shirt which they insisted my wife buy the same for their mom. My daughter is a big Tim Burton fan, and it is remarkable to me that these nine and seven year olds were able to recognize the design on the tee shirt which had the typical dark Burton scene printed on it. They then decided that my wife would wear the t shirt when she took the girls home. They have this big plan that when her mom comments about the t shirt, my wife will take it off and give it to her. So much energy and so intelligent. It is getting scary how fast they are absorbing the world around them. I spent breakfast asking them general knowledge questions and their growth is astonishing. too much fun to be legal.

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386 Re: time is getting short on 9/30/2018, 10:04 pm

SWEET!!!!!! Gotta love those kids.

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387 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 9:19 am

This morning has been tough. I woke up in pain and could get no relief. I try to hide the same from my wife and try to keep upbeat, but in the morning with nobody around, I simply cried for the first time in years. It felt very good. I simply did too much with the granddaughters this weekend and must slow down. She sees the tears in my eyes and knows I am in pain, but I will not take opiates and die in a haze. This journey has brought wisdom and happiness to my life, but sometimes the journey of death simply over powers with pain, and no matter how upbeat you are it is overpowering. My muscles now are just melting off my body as the liver failure is in full effect, as pale stools, cramps, and increasing breathing problems make it very difficult. The doctors have told me it will end with me not being able to get out of bed and a coma. So each day I awake and go to the bathroom and see if I can get out of my chair.......each day a little weaker as I wait. I do not want to gross folks out documenting my decline and wanted to take a photo of my shoulder blades which look like I am a concentration camp survivor, but took a photo of what is left of my bicep and forearm as the loose skin hangs on my skeleton. I hope to play poker with some golf buddies wed., but it is just getting very difficult. I will work on completing the roads Tuesday, and will mostly rest today.

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388 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 12:58 pm

Take the gummies

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389 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 2:22 pm

I don't understand someone who is dying and is in pain choosing the pain and suffering? Tell me what you accomplish by that?

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390 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 2:57 pm

I don't understand someone who is dying and is in pain choosing the pain and suffering? Tell me what you accomplish by that?


Most pain relief medications such as opioids are metabolized via the liver. Folks like myself with liver disease and tumors are harmed by the same. Something as simple as Ibuprofen can be harmful, where a healthy person has no problem. So the choice is going as long as I can giving my liver time to regenerate tissue if the radiation PRRT is successful, or doping up on opiods, which I must say are quite pleasant and easy. I am fighting for time to allow four radiation treatments to allow for stable disease. I get the radiation on the 17th of this month, and if I survive to that date, I only have to wait eight weeks for the last treatment.......so if a little pain buys me time.......I make that choice. The pain is not as bad as birth, a kidney stone attack, or having to tell you that you were correct about something.

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391 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 3:28 pm

Razz

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392 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 3:34 pm


Just posting to change the view count from 6668 to 6669 because 69 is devine. Twisted Evil

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393 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 3:36 pm

2seaoat wrote:I don't understand someone who is dying and is in pain choosing the pain and suffering? Tell me what you accomplish by that?


Most pain relief medications such as opioids are metabolized via the liver.  Folks like myself with liver disease and tumors are harmed by the same.  Something as simple as Ibuprofen can be harmful, where a healthy person has no problem.  So the choice is going as long as I can giving my liver time to regenerate tissue if the radiation PRRT is successful, or doping up on opiods, which I must say are quite pleasant and easy.  I am fighting for time to allow four radiation treatments to allow for stable disease.  I get the radiation on the 17th of this month, and if I survive to that date, I only have to wait eight weeks for the last treatment.......so if a little pain buys me time.......I make that choice.  The pain is not as bad as birth, a kidney stone attack, or having to tell you that you were correct about something.

I obviously have caused you a lot of pain even though you don't admit it most of the time.

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394 Re: time is getting short on 10/1/2018, 3:42 pm

I obviously have caused you a lot of pain even though you don't admit it most of the time.


Not at all, I love mischief in little girls. It becomes sad when little girls have to conform, become moms, and lose their little girl. You have given me many smiles over the years.

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395 Re: time is getting short on 10/5/2018, 6:17 pm

I am done. I did not have the strength to go to the fifty year retirement party of my neighbor. There are going to be 200 people from town at the legion hall, and it was my last chance to say goodbye to neighbors......I just do not have the strength. The pain is now pushing my limits of sanity. I know I can dope up and die in a stupor, or I can gut it out and hope I will survive until the 17th when I get my third PRRT and a much needed 60mg sando shots.....I simply cannot put any weight on, and very severe cramping is making my quality of life almost unbearable. I did get a good laugh with Mrs. Seaoat. She has been joking with friends about cleaning out the fridge getting rid of everything beyond the expiration date.......and of course including me as being beyond my expiration date. We laughed as I suggested she wear a sign on her back which said .....wild woman soon available.......she would have been the hit of the party.

I am excited for my wife to enjoy life to the fullest after I am gone. It has been so much fun, but now I must concede defeat. I will be dead by Halloween. I am not superman, and despite my attitude which remains very positive each day I get up, I realize it might be my last day. All is good, and I will play these cards.

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396 Re: time is getting short on 10/6/2018, 2:54 am

Thank you once again for trusting us with your thoughts and feelings, Sea. Still wish to hell you didn't have to go through all this, but I know wishing won't make it better.  

The humor and the sadness make everything very real, though, as before, I'm sure we have no idea.

Would tell you to hang in there but that seems a pretty meaningless exhortation right now.  

Yes, it's great that your wife will eventually be able to enjoy life on her own, but make no mistake:  she will be devastated and miss you terribly, and will no doubt think of you every single day for the rest of her life.

Hope you are getting some rest at the moment.   Goodnight,     LL

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397 Re: time is getting short on 10/6/2018, 6:08 am

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398 Re: time is getting short on 10/6/2018, 11:01 am

Beautiful, poignant, perfect, Tel. Loved it.

Hope you enjoyed it too, Sea.

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399 Re: time is getting short on 10/6/2018, 9:58 pm

Like a drowning man, I have reached the point where I am frantically trying to spend time with the grandkids as I flail around in the water. We will be going to the Historical Desoto Hotel in Galena Illinois. I took both kids to the stateroom where lincoln and grant had stayed, and would talk from the second floor windows to the crowds below. I got a fifty buck gift card for one more cancer survey, and we get a fifty dollar gift certificate for dinner at the desoto house. The room is a little steep for rural Illinois, but both of my kids still remember playing on the original spiral staircase, and sleeping in the room of two Presidents.

I can also drive over to Dubuque and play some poker after the kids sleep. I am concerned because of the flooding in Northern Illinois, but they have these incredible dikes and huge steel doors they close on the road when the river rises. I need to keep moving because the pain and sitting in a chair waiting to die have got me stir crazy......My wife is packing the wheel chair.....it is that time, but damn the torpedos.......where ever this ends, I am good.

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400 Re: time is getting short on 10/6/2018, 10:41 pm

Enjoy your time.

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