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time is getting short

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326 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 12:35 pm

I will have family here all weekend. I have dropped two more pounds and my digestive system has basically rejected water or food. I had a little oatmeal, and applesauce, and as much water as I can tolerate. The coloring in my face around the eyes and below the eyes is changing. I can still get out of my chair and can only hope that the radiation with the second treatment will knock down enough hormone producing tumors that I can get back to solid stools and eating and drinking. If not, it appears that my surgeon will be correct that I will pass in September. We still laughed today about trying to get excited about a hormone level of 50k........like is that all you got......

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327 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 3:10 pm

Sea, I'm not going to wait any longer to say this.  I just want you to know that if you do go in September  - and even though I'll still chuckle, going back and reading something that tickles me like your last sentence above - it will be a very sad time indeed.  I've so enjoyed our repartee over these years since Ivan, and have to thank the PNJ (as much as I otherwise dislike them), and now boards of FL (along with his moderator Joani), for enabling the forum venues that've allowed our lives to touch, if only in cyberspace.  

You and I have had our disagreements, and even an out-and-out spat now and again, but for the most part my memories of you will be positive, as I recall an often humorously stubborn, self-admittedly arrogant, but invariably interesting and engaging character with a seemingly infinite stash of life stories and a wealth of knowledge (whether or not always accurate! ha) on a wide variety of topics -- an optimistic man of the mind but also very much of the earth, a man who loved his family and was loyal to his many friends.

It's been rarely a dull moment here with our Seaoat in the mix, and I feel certain that most if not all forum regulars will agree that things will never be quite the same without you.  Make that, things will never be anywhere near the same.

I, too, will hope for your return to reasonably normal digestive activities very soon and another lease on life, but, if you have to leave us -- whether now or some time down the road --  may your way be paved with comfort and eased by the love of family.  As for this forum group, rest assured that, though we never even knew your name, you will be deeply missed.

___Linda L.

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328 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 3:33 pm

I understand the sense of loss we all have with each member of this forum who has left us. Retired Leo, Neko, T, Bob, Z, and so many who just slipped away without us knowing what happened. I have enjoyed this gap technology which was pre facebook and allowed people to network. The best part is many of us do not learn who the others were until they are gone. I went to T's graveside service right after having surgery. I could hardly stand, and I certainly agreed with little T wrote at times, but it was his humanity I shared with years of arguing. I was devastated by Bob's death. I was angry. If he had got the best care right from the git go.......but he was sold a junk insurance policy which he paid on for twenty years and found out it did nothing. I was angry to lose Neko who was such an intelligent class act who loved to argue with me for days. She did the research and was tenacious, and she was so happy in Huntsville, and then the remodeling......I so understood her and Leo's lung issues and I was thankful they shared the same. However, it was the loss of Z which struck me very hard. I knew what a courageous man he was as he faced the cards which had been dealt to him, and was hurt that I could not have that final discussion. No, I have been blessed by all of you for years with engaging conversation which I learned more about the human condition.

I will continue to fight the battle until it is my time, and although I have been chronicling a battle with cancer, I often fail to recognize it makes people sad. Do not be sad. I can handle what is dealt to me. I hope as my last breath is slipping from my lips, I have hit the send button on one more post which stirs the pot. This has been fun and it has been educational. I never took any of this more than just great fun. Like sitting at the poker table and sending barbs and wit back and forth. The good news this afternoon is my urine is getting lighter today. This happened about the second week on the first treatment........I will take whatever time I am given, and have fun to the end.

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329 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:05 pm

I can't promise not to be sad... because i know i will be. It's hard to imagine you not being here.

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330 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:16 pm

I will be sad. I respect an honest sincere poster rather than the fake personas.

I wish I had been able to spend more time with Bob. He had questions about things in Pensacola that I could have explained to him.

When we lost Bob we also lost his best friend Yelladog. Hella was an artist and short story writer. Very sad to have lost them.

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331 Re: time is getting short on Fri Aug 31, 2018 6:50 pm

Yes... i got to meet Yella. He was an original character alright... much like Bob and T.

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332 Re: time is getting short on Sat Sep 01, 2018 7:12 am

I know the loss of Mr. Oats is coming and I take comfort in his personal strength . . . . . when that time comes I too will be quietly sad but having been along his side in his journey has been a privilege he granted to each of us. I join joani, Linda and pkr by saying a deeply sad but sincere [i]thank you sir[i] and I will miss you so much.

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333 Re: time is getting short on Wed Sep 05, 2018 9:35 am

I had hope that today the two week mark from the last prrt treatment, I would stop wasting away and regain my appetite. No such luck. It appears that the treatment was just too late for my advanced stage hormone levels. This has become very unpleasant, and now without the hope that the prrt could pull me out of this decline it becomes mental toughness which quite honestly becomes more difficult as I waste away. I hope each day that I will regain my appetite, but sadly my stools remain light for almost two weeks as it appears the liver is struggling each day. The human body fights for life, but fortunately I do not believe I have reached the tipping point........soon. Until then I can only hope that Trump resigns.....that would give me hope.

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334 Re: time is getting short on Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:06 am

I hope that you're forcing ensure or bananas or eggs or sumthin down.

Fight... you'll feel better in a week.

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335 Re: time is getting short on Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:07 pm

PkrBum wrote:I hope that you're forcing ensure or bananas or eggs or sumthin down.

Fight... you'll feel better in a week.

I agree!

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336 Re: time is getting short on Wed Sep 05, 2018 6:14 pm

Nope. There is no getting better. The die is cast. I am good with this and have told my daughter and wife that I am ready. Nothing sad about living and dying, and I have had a wonderful life. I just need some time which does not have pain, but then again dying involves an element of pain which is not unbearable, but it does grind you down to basic needs each day......no more hope of next week, or even getting the third PRRT. It just is too late. Mrs. Seaoat tries to relieve the pains by leg and back massage which help, but all she finds now is bones and tumors on my back......all my muscle has wasted away except my calves and thighs.......she commented on my twitching remaining muscles as I have waves of spasams over my entire body. She went to her breakfast club this morning and had a little stress relief.......this is anything but easy on caretakers.......I have the easy job. I guess you never fully understand your body and its fight to survive......this old skeleton is ready.

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337 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:48 am

Sea, to keep telling us mere mortals that there's no need to be sad just will not cut it.  Sorry.  People who care about other people hate to see them go, never more to interact; that's just the human condition - not something to be minimized, but rather acknowledged and dealt with.   Maybe you're above sadness, but most of us aren't.

Don't get me wrong: it's a comfort to know you've come to terms with your impending passing and that you feel you've lived a wonderful life (it certainly has sounded that way for as long as I've known you), but there's no getting around the loss your friends - including those here - and loved ones will unavoidably experience when your voice is stilled.

Can you/will you consider just accepting that, please, and cease telling everyone there's no need to feel what they inevitably will?  It kind of de-legitimizes others' normal and natural feelings, if you can understand that.  

In any event, you absolutely should not have to suffer any longer.  Didn't you say you were under hospice care?  Have they not offered anything to provide you that pain free time you say you need?  Please don't be too much of a hero, OK?  As you've indicated, seeing your pain is very hard on your beloved wife.  So please consider accepting some relief for her sake, if not your own.

All that said, by all means feel free to thoroughly ignore me.  I realize full well none of this is remotely any of my business - how you choose to live and die.  I also know you'll likely continue to do things your way anyway, no matter what anyone else says.   I offer these thoughts simply because I care -- not only about you, but about the forum members here who will miss you very much, and who need to be allowed to freely and genuinely mourn the passing of your truly special self from our lives.

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338 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 8:32 am

RealLindaL wrote:Sea, to keep telling us mere mortals that there's no need to be sad just will not cut it.  Sorry.  People who care about other people hate to see them go, never more to interact; that's just the human condition - not something to be minimized, but rather acknowledged and dealt with.   Maybe you're above sadness, but most of us aren't.

Don't get me wrong: it's a comfort to know you've come to terms with your impending passing and that you feel you've lived a wonderful life (it certainly has sounded that way for as long as I've known you), but there's no getting around the loss your friends - including those here - and loved ones will unavoidably experience when your voice is stilled.

Can you/will you consider just accepting that, please, and cease telling everyone there's no need to feel what they inevitably will?  It kind of de-legitimizes others' normal and natural feelings, if you can understand that.  

In any event, you absolutely should not have to suffer any longer.  Didn't you say you were under hospice care?  Have they not offered anything to provide you that pain free time you say you need?  Please don't be too much of a hero, OK?  As you've indicated, seeing your pain is very hard on your beloved wife.  So please consider accepting some relief for her sake, if not your own.

All that said, by all means feel free to thoroughly ignore me.  I realize full well none of this is remotely any of my business - how you choose to live and die.  I also know you'll likely continue to do things your way anyway, no matter what anyone else says.   I offer these thoughts simply because I care -- not only about you, but about the forum members here who will miss you very much, and who need to be allowed to freely and genuinely mourn the passing of your truly special self from our lives.

Very well said, and seconded.

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339 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:24 pm

Thank you, z.

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340 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:34 pm

zsomething wrote:
RealLindaL wrote:Sea, to keep telling us mere mortals that there's no need to be sad just will not cut it.  Sorry.  People who care about other people hate to see them go, never more to interact; that's just the human condition - not something to be minimized, but rather acknowledged and dealt with.   Maybe you're above sadness, but most of us aren't.

Don't get me wrong: it's a comfort to know you've come to terms with your impending passing and that you feel you've lived a wonderful life (it certainly has sounded that way for as long as I've known you), but there's no getting around the loss your friends - including those here - and loved ones will unavoidably experience when your voice is stilled.

Can you/will you consider just accepting that, please, and cease telling everyone there's no need to feel what they inevitably will?  It kind of de-legitimizes others' normal and natural feelings, if you can understand that.  

In any event, you absolutely should not have to suffer any longer.  Didn't you say you were under hospice care?  Have they not offered anything to provide you that pain free time you say you need?  Please don't be too much of a hero, OK?  As you've indicated, seeing your pain is very hard on your beloved wife.  So please consider accepting some relief for her sake, if not your own.

All that said, by all means feel free to thoroughly ignore me.  I realize full well none of this is remotely any of my business - how you choose to live and die.  I also know you'll likely continue to do things your way anyway, no matter what anyone else says.   I offer these thoughts simply because I care -- not only about you, but about the forum members here who will miss you very much, and who need to be allowed to freely and genuinely mourn the passing of your truly special self from our lives.

Very well said, and seconded.

Beat me to it . . . . very well said Linda, you speak for us all on this! Thanks!!

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341 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:46 pm

Thanks, knot.

Naturally, I'm wondering what Seaoat will have to say about this, if anything. I feel certain he knows I'm not trying to make things more difficult for him.

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342 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 4:48 pm

I got to play one hour of cards and left the house for the first time in over a week. Won eighty bucks, but really did not enjoy playing. Too uncomfortable. Got to get a hot dog from Portillos which if you are ever in Chicago, that is where you go to get a beef and hot dog.....chicago style. Had a small ice cream cone, but just cannot get rid of the nausea and lack of appetite. I keep hoping for the same result as after the first treatment, but I continue to lose weight.

We are going to the quad cities monday and tuesday for two nights in the hotel. My daughter will take the dog, but I simply need to get out of the house as it seems like I wait for death there, and I need to force myself to move and get out. We will go to an art museum in Davenport, and will look around for some other activities. I have eight friends who are golfing and will be there, but I do not even think I could ride in the golf cart. We get comped on a hundred dollars for their steak house as I won 4k from them and they have been very generous with hotel rooms and dinners in their steak house. I have a filet, wedge salad, and roasted asparagus, and then just play until they close at three am. I must keep moving, and the wasting will continue, but I think I can buy more time if I use my muscles.

The islands have been under water a week, and expect at least another week of high water before I can take the bobcat out to clear the roads of trees, but I will spend no more than fifteen minutes in the machine and the wife will help me out. Many people stopped and asked where I have been, but nobody said I was looking good.......the look on their faces told the story.

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343 Re: time is getting short on Thu Sep 06, 2018 5:04 pm

For once in my life, I'm at a total loss for words.

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344 Re: time is getting short on Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:57 pm

got the improvement......ha ha ha


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345 Re: time is getting short on Fri Sep 07, 2018 3:02 pm

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346 Re: time is getting short on Fri Sep 07, 2018 5:41 pm

Very Happy

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347 Re: time is getting short on Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:33 pm

Moved the Lull into position to fix antenna on top of flagpole. Mrs. Seaoat will be thirty feet up in the safety basket with a safety harness. I am now under 200 lbs and losing weight very quickly. We are also going to put a chimney cap on to keep the raccoons out of the house........flooded river equals raccoons looking for a new home. The girls could not visit as the youngest has a chest cold. Going to the box store shortly to get coax cable and a cap.

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348 Re: time is getting short on Sat Sep 08, 2018 8:05 pm

Scale error. I am at 203 lbs. This is a drop of 10 pounds in four weeks. Better than the false reading of 198. We are looking forward to two night stay in the quad cities monday and tuesday. If I get tired, I simply walk to my room. We are bringing the wheel chair as I want to enjoy the art museum and walking is becoming less of an option where I wear myself out.

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349 Re: time is getting short on Sat Sep 08, 2018 9:46 pm

Have a good time.

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350 Re: time is getting short on Wed Sep 12, 2018 3:07 pm

Wonderful time in the Quad Cities at Jumers. Eight of my golf buddies played the Deere Run course where they hold the PGA tournament right before the British Open each year. Mrs. Seaoat enjoyed their conversation, but I missed most of them because I was knocked out from the pain and went to bed. When I did wake up, I went to the casino and only two of them were having drinks at the bar. By 9pm all the old farts went to bed, of course I had been sleeping most of the day.

The complimentary rooms for two nights and a hundred bucks toward our steakhouse dinner is getting addictive. I was way down the first night, but ended up winning about $1,500 with four of a kind in Stud Poker so I was up a few hundred dollars which was fun. It was good to see Mrs. seaoat having some fun.

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