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Thanksgiving family traditions and family bickering

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We have spent the last eight years having thanksgiving at my daughter's house at noon to three. My son and his wife would go from three to the evening with his mother in law in a big family gathering at their house. My son in law's father and his sister and three kids and new husband would join us.

My daughter in law's mother is going through some depression issues after losing her husband about five years ago and has gotten angry with her five daughers and announced that she will not have thanksgiving on thanksgiving afternoon. The daughters are running around trying to set something up as the mother has announced she will not attend. So my daughter in law offered to host it on thanksgiving, but that would mean they could not attend our thanksgiving at my daughter's house because they will be cooking during our early celebration.

At the same time, my son in law's sister announced she is not coming and will hold thanksgiving on Friday at her house. Well her brother announced he is not going to his sister's thanksgiving.

Everybody is up tight because of my health concerns and finally my wife and I suggested that we celebrate thanksgiving this year on Saturday, at my daughter's house and strongly suggested that they use kindness and get my daughter in law's mother to their thanksgiving, and that my son in law attend his sister's thanksgiving. It appears to no avail. My son said they are coming at noon and thanksgiving is on, and they will not be hosting, and my son in law is still not going Friday to his sister's house.

Such silliness which families seem to just magnify during the holidays. It is such a short period in life to enjoy your extended family at different phases in your life, and we have suggested to all to be more silent about their objections, and more giving and understanding. It appears that our tradition will continue this year, but I believe at too high of a price.

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Hate to hear all this drama but it happens.

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It happens in every family. Sometimes it is just minor irritations which family members show at the holidays, but in this case my daughter in laws mom being widowed at 50 has lead to excessive drinking and depression. To add to the drama one of the sister's husbands committed suicide leaving two kids and the mom five months ago after the death just became more depressed. I thought it better we just simply change our thanksgiving plans and allow some healing to go on by my dil taking over her mom's thanksgiving and making sure that she attends, but it appears that they are going the tough love, we are not changing our plans and if we do not want a family thanksgiving ok. It seems kind of harsh to me, but as soon as I am thinking that, my SIL announces to my daughter that they are NOT going to his sister's thanksgiving on Friday..........goofy stupid selfishness as nobody is thinking about the kids being with their cousins and how short this period will be before the kids go off on their separate ways and traditions. Wisdom comes with age, but the ability to communicate that wisdom declines with age so in the end I feel like I am mostly a spectator to a huge automobile wreck and am powerless to change the results.

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I'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like you're handling it well tho. Best to just roll with the emotional punches.

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